I would like to reiterate the dangers of being a public school teacher. My colleague (who is not new to the profession) was attempting to keep a student after school last Thursday for this new program we have for kids who don't do their homework and the student attacked him. Apparently it was not pretty and my colleague ended up with a broken hand and a need for a pin in it to heal the bone. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this is my life.

I am not going to school tomorrow, no I did not win the lottery or marry a wealthy man. I have a class to go to SIOP. SIOP stands for Sheltered Instruction Observation protocol. I have no idea what that means and I have already been to one of the sessions. Maybe tomorrow will shed some light on it. Anyone who tells you not going to work is fun is mistaken. I have spent roughly 4 hours getting ready to have a sub and quite a bit of that was threatening the kids about behaving. For those of you who do not know, I have had a sub 4 times this year and all four times have been a disaster.
My kids are abnormally mischievous at times. Which is why, at the next assembly, which is next month, my students are not invited and that was announced over the PA system for all to hear. It was not unexpected given their recent activity and being kicked out of the Christmas assembly.
I will let you all know how my students do tomorrow as I am sure you are waiting with bated breath.

I am using this blog as a tool to communicate with those of you I left, but it has also turned into a way for me to get some things out, i.e. my rage at Home Depot (which I am still mad at). Tonight, as I sit here and think about my lesson plans for this next week I have some mixed feelings. Most of you know that there is a large percentage of teacher burn out and that 6 out of 10 teachers leave the profession in or after their first year. Yes, we are overworked and underpaid. Yes the first year is unbelievably hard and yes, it is the hardest job you will ever have. I firmly believe that and if you don't believe me - ask. Ask anyone one who has ever spent time with a child and had no idea if they had a home or watched two children beat each other to a bloody pulp over nothing. Or anyone who has wondered if the circles are indicators of sleeplessness and for how long, or if he really fell off his bike and broke his arm.
I think I have become jaded, or at least very aware of the reality in which I live. My situation is not unique to Kalamazoo, Michigan or to Yuma, Arizona. It is not unique to L.A. or New York. Not anymore. It used to be. It used to be that the big cities, the urban areas had the problems, the poverty, the abuse. It's not true. It is everywhere. Every child is at risk in every school in every town, village, city, or metropolis. Did you know that the average age of a homeless person in this country is 10 years old.
Tonight I was thinking, what will it be like in 20 years. It is this bad now, what will I be saying after 10 years of teaching, or thirty? At first I wanted to believe that I was isolated. That I had chosen a school where every student was at risk for being recruited into a gang. That I had chosen a particularly "hard" school. But I am not special, I didn't pick one because it wouldn't have mattered where I had gone. Is there hope?
I don't know how to answer that, some days I would say yes, some days no. Today I will say that because I believe in a good God. A God that has a plan so much better than anything I could dream, a plan so perfect that only the creator could have designed it, yes there is hope and sadness. There is anger and desperation and tears. But there is still hope.
This week one of my students was talking to the officer at our school and was asked, where do you want to be in 10 years? He didn't seem to understand what was being asked so the officer said, "what do you want to have or be doing 10 years from now?" He eventually came up with a nice car. The next question was how are you going to get it, you going to sell dope? The answer was, "if I have to." He is 13 years old and the only thing he wants out of life is to have a nice car and he will do anything to get it. He doesn't have a dream of being a doctor or police officer, he doesn't even want to travel around the world.
I was digging around the other day trying to find some old poetry I had written to use as examples with my class and I found a paper I had written in 7th grade about wanting to be a teacher when I grew up. It was my dream and now that it is realized I am proud. Proud that I followed my heart and can do the job I have always wanted. Now I have to learn how to listen to my students, who I have grown to love, tell me that they don't have hopes and dreams for the future. They know their reality. They know their limits. 13 years of their life has taken away their ability to want more for themselves than their parents. Their ability to imagine something and make it happen. When did that happen? When did we start telling kids that reality is stronger than dreams. That fear is stronger than hope.
Tonight, I sit here thinking through my lesson plans and wondering if it makes a difference whether I teach them to read or just sit there and stare at them. Don't worry, I will continue to teach them to read despite their efforts to not learn. And above all I will not lose hope because I still believe that reality is NOT stronger than the dream and that fear will NOT win over hope. I have hope and because I have hope they will see. They will see my hope and maybe just maybe they will start to believe in themselves.

Aaaaahhhhh, Martin Luther King Jr. was a great man, without him we would not have a three day weekend in January! My weekend has been full of house stuff, I have been hanging, taking down, sorting, scrubbing, throwing out and many other boring things. The good new is my house is starting to look like a house again and tomorrow I can do whatever I want.
I would also like to inform everyone that I am starting a protest. This is not one of those stupid protest Disney because they are evil things that are silly, this is a real, honest to goodness protest. Home Depot is a warehouse full of stuff that where nothing is where it belongs and it can take up to 25 minutes to find an employee to ask a question. Then, when you do find an employee there response to your question is and I quote "I have no idea" (*turn and go back to work.) I was in HD for 56 minutes trying to buy a piece of dowel and have it cut to 37 inches. Therefore, I am asking that in the future you go to Lowe's for your home improvement needs. Thank you!

Today was one of those days where things are just blah, for no other reason than it just was. Sarah (said sister) informed me this morning that my pillow is full of dust mites and dust mite fecies. Then my co-worker/friend was not at school because she had to go to California to send her husband to Iraq for 14 months, we are having a sleep over this weekend so she is not alone.
Then I had a meeting where they talked about homelessness and showed a really sad video of homeless children. Did you know that the average age of a homeless person is 10 years old! It was very depressing and now I am home to grade papers and do ab crunches.
I have yet to unpack my suitcases (sorry mom), maybe this weekend (it is a 3 day weekend!). My kids have not done anything exciting this week, that is why I have not said anything about them. I think we are all tired, the quarter is ending next week so hopefully we will get our steam back for third quarter. Off to tape Lost - night!

Today I had yet another run in with the difficulty of the English Language. I was reading my student's "what I did on my vacation" journals and one student went to a swamp meet (swap meet) and another played hide in sink (hide and seek), they were very busy!
I got my smart board working today! it is so cool and the kids love it! We had so much fun playing with it, tomorrow we have to get down to business though. For those who don't know what a smart board is, it is an interactive white board that hooks up to a laptop (thank you Sarah) and allows the students to write on the board and erase without taking off what is written on the board. It is very exciting for me and my assistant principal. Unfortunately that is all I have to say today, I am very tired and hungry. Can you believe I had detention the first day back from break! and the post office is holding my mail hostage, I think anyway, more on that tomorrow!

To all those who have been sending complaints that this has not been updated I apologize. I have been very busy traveling home to Kalamazoo, home, to Toronto, home, Kalamazoo and home again. It has been a great three weeks and I am starting to prepare for the journey home to the real world. Christmas was good, then Sarah got sick :-( . We spent New Year's in Toronto with cousin Doris and husband Craig.
While in Toronto we took in the play "Snow White and the Group of Seven", a very hilarious parody on the Disney story starring several Canadian Idols and a Canadian rock star. I got so wrapped up in the "Canadian Idols" that when reading a magazine article I said "American Idol Fantasaia.... Sarah - do you think she was on Canadian Idol?" Apparently I have lost brain cells in the cold.
What else...I have had 3 panic attacks since I have been home, that's been interesting. I haven't had one in a very long time, there seems to be no immediate trigger but my mom made me order this software I have used in threapy before. It shold help when I get home and get it set up. It is a program that teaches you how to calm yourself and stay centered.
I just got a call from Donna, my friend from work whom I am traveling to Hawaii with this spring. Her husband has orders to leave the 13th for Iraq and she is pretty down. I will be glad to get back and be there to support her through this next year. It is in the 80's down there so if any of you have the winter blues book your tickets I have lots of space for sleeping.
Monday I go back to work so the stories will resume and this will get more exciting instead of just reading about my vacation. Happy New Year!