Lenten devotional

Maundy Thursday, April 21
John 13:1-17, 33-35

“A new command I give you: Love one another”

As a teacher I understand how challenging it is to see your student not
understand something time and time again. Jesus faced this same
challenge throughout his time on Earth. He was sent here to show
God’s love and was instead misunderstood, mistreated, and ultimately
betrayed by one of his closest friends. The disciples knew there was
something special about their teacher but they couldn’t quite put their
fingers on it. They couldn’t see the big picture Jesus was trying to paint
for them and for those who would come after them.

It wasn’t until Jesus was preparing to make the final sacrifice that he
was able to get through to some of the disciples. His final lesson was
perhaps his most important: “A new command I give you; Love one
another”.

As students of Jesus we, as Christians, do many things to reach an
understanding of what he intended for us. We read scripture, attend
church services, join Bible studies and volunteer to help those less
fortunate. However, if we do not follow this new commandment all of
that is for naught. As Christians we must love first and let everything
else follow. Without love, God would never have sent Jesus to be our
teacher and we would not have chance after chance to learn the
lessons He meant for us.

As we observe Maundy Thursday and prepare for Good Friday
remember that Christ came in love, taught in love and died in love. For
me, and for you.

- Angela Knapp

Not an Option

In the fall of 2003 I was in the midst of my student teaching assignment. I remember a talk I had with my mentor wherein I told her I wasn't sure if I wanted to be a teacher. This after 4 and a 1/2 years of school in order to do just that. I was tired and running on empty, I felt as though I were being called to something else. One day after a social studies lesson to the first graders I was teaching my mentor wrote in my journal something I will never forget. She wrote, "You can't not teach, this is your calling. Whatever road you choose, you will educate".

7 years later as I am struggling to find a permanent job, have worked in some crazy places, faced budget deficits, training after training and encountered kids from every walk of life I know this is true.

For a while this summer I was under the impression I was at a crossroads. That my tenure in education was over and I was on to find something bigger, better to do with my life. I was wrong, the only crossroads I am facing is where will I teach next. I am a teacher. I see clearly that my mentor was correct, I cannot not teach, it's who I am.

Top Ten Best Things About Michigan in the Summer

Thanks to summer vacation and my parents I was able to spend three fun filled weeks in my hometown. Here's a list of the best things about it!

10. Air Conditioning. When the humidity hits in Michigan you can bet you are gonna want air. Thankfully my parents had it installed years ago and it was so nice to sleep cooly!

9. Water. Michigan has lots of water and we took advantage. From the Niblocks swimming pool to the fresh water lake complete with seaweed to the clear clean water of the Rolling Hills wave pool and lazy river.

8. Cheap movie tickets. Only after living in LA can I appreciate the $4.50 matinee at Brighton's MJR Cinema. Over the 3 weeks I saw "Despicable Me", "A-Team", "Toy Story 3", "Knight and Day", "Eclipse", and "Iron Man 2".

7. Books! I love love love to read. I can't read much during the year because once I start a book I can't put it down. Through the last 21 days I read NINE books and they were all great!

6. Catching up. When I get home I try to catch up with people and see what's been happening. This time I was able to visit with friends from college, old family friends and of course the grandparents! Grandma Mac is settled into the nursing home and being well taken care of and grandma and grandpa Cows are selling the homestead and headed for a condo while Grandma Millie is continuing to enjoy her friends in Lansing.

5. Games. I was able to take in part of a Lugnuts game after a nasty thunderstorm receded a bit and have a great meal courtesy of Chem Trend and their anniversary celebration. Euchre was the name of the game at our place this year as my mom defended her trophy nightly. Dad didn't have too much luck but I am sure he'll be ready next time.

4. Sleeping. Let's get one thing straight, sleeping is in no way over rated. I slept in, went to bed early, and took naps. Basically slept as much as possible.

3. Food. No vacation is complete without good food and we were not in short supply. Bar-B-Ques a plenty were had, s'mores, ice cream birthday cake for Ms. Emma's 5th, potato salad, and Johnny Carino's, but nothing tops mom's baked beans!!!!

2. Sights. I lived in Michigan for 25 years and am surprised to continually find new things and enjoy the old. We took a fantastic tour of the Frederick Meijer Gardens, played some spectacular golf (if I do say so myself) and hit King Cone TWICE!!!!

1. Family. Plain and simple. I love my family. I have said it before and I will say it again, my parents are the most loving, supportive and giving people around. They even paid a bucket load so I could stay an extra week for more fun!

Memorial Day

Growing up Memorial Day was an important day in our family. We would get up early, go to the parade and listen to the speeches thanking falling soldiers and watching the wreaths float out into the water. Then the guns. I was always so scared of the gunfire. The noise.

My father served in the Air Force, his father in the Army. My mother's father in the Navy. When I was young my best friend's father was deployed during the first Gulf War. When I moved to Yuma I met many families who watched their loved ones go to the current Gulf War. But never have I experienced the true meaning of this holiday as I did this weekend.

Saturday Sarah and I drove to Camp Pendleton to spend some time with our friend Julie. I first met Julie in Yuma where her husband Wayne served in the Marine Corp. Currently Julie and Wayne have 2 children ages 5 and 3. Two beautiful, brilliant children. Saturday night we went the base family fun center bowled and ate pizza. We chatted a while and then went to bed. Sunday dawned early as the kids were up and raring to go! I jumped on the trampoline with the kids, watched cartoons and ate breakfast burritos. We chatted with the neighbor and had a great time.

I did not see Wayne this trip because he is in Afghanistan. He is serving his country while his family lives a seemingly normal life here in southern California. Of the 20 occupied houses on Julie's street 18 of them have husbands and fathers who are deployed. That is one street in one neighborhood on one military base.

This Memorial Day was special, I was able to see into the world that few get to see. I experienced the vacancy in a family. Julie and the kids are doing well, they are happy, busy and enjoying summer. But there is a vacancy in their house. One that will be happily filled this fall when Wayne returns to the United States.

Play Time!

Tomorrow I am again taking kids on a Saturday field trip. It is the third one. We have gone to the beach for team building, visited UCLA for a tour and now are going to Mulligans Family Fun Center. This one is strictly for fun, no learning, unless I learn how to drive a go kart!

The best thing about these field trips has been to see the kids out of the school realm. Seeing them learn without books, play and be kids. Tomorrow should prove yet another fun time as we embark on a day of laser tag, go karts, batting cages and junk food!

Out of the Fog

I have been gone a while. I wasn't out of town or doing anything exciting. I was in a fog. The problem with depression is that it is incredibly hard to see when you are in its midst. I was first diagnosed and medicated for depression in 2000. My medication had changed a couple times and I had talk therapy but for the most part things were better. Then, in March, I realized something. I had sunk back into that part of my life that is depression. Sarah went out of town for a week and I was on my own. I suddenly noticed that without someone else there I was sleeping all the time, not eating, not myself. Although it is difficult to admit there is a problem I called a guy and we talked for a few weeks, he changed my medication and voila! Just like that I am doing better, I am out of the fog. I feel more like myself, have more energy and am looking forward to things again.

So that's where I have been. I am back now and for anyone still reading this after all this time I am blogging again.

New Journey

I am embarking on a new journey as I round the corner to 30. This is a "if you don't do what the doctor says you might be be in real trouble" journey. As some of you may remember on May 17, 1997 I had knee surgery. At that time the doctors told me I would eventually need surgery again but at 17 I wasn't really thinking that far ahead and I didn't think it would be this soon.

After about three months of pain this winter I went to the doctor and after about ten seconds he said, it's worn out. Now, I am not paraphrasing. That is what he said. It's worn out. My knee cap that is, the knee itself is OK. So I have two options for surgery. They are both open and not arthroscopic which means a long recovery and lots of rehab.

I started physical therapy on Monday and came home looking like this (see picture above). Til this point the pain has been annoying and uncomfortable but when this tape was put on it became intolerable. It is supposed to hold the knee in the right place but so far it just hurts.

I was also told to take off the weight. I know this but it hasn't really sunk in yet. A few years ago I lost almost 50 lbs and have put most of it back on. The doctor said it would take pressure off the knee. He wants me on a treadmill or in a pool. Not an elliptical. Apparently I am too tall for it so I have to decide if I want to join a gym. This is yet another part of the journey I am not prepared for.

So begins my journey. I will find out more about the surgery in a couple weeks and decide if I will go through with it, right now it's a little scary to commit to. So I am committing to buying new tennis shoes at the request of the physical therapist and researching gyms.

Choices

There are two kinds of choices; big ones and little ones. I am horrible at making the little ones. I can never decide where to have dinner, when to take my car to the garage, when to go to the movies or what movie. These are the things I struggle with. The everyday choices that are not life or death, not life changing. But I have this innate fear that I will make the wrong choice and someone will be unhappy or there is some better possibility out there. This I am working on, slowly.

The big choices, the life changing ones, these are the ones I tend to make easily. I never thought much about where to go to college. I visited Western once, applied and didn't look back. I once decided in less than 24 four hours to drop summer classes and work in Appalachia for three months. I also made the decision in less than 3 hours to move 3000 miles away from everyone and everything I knew for a job. When Sarah wanted to move to LA I said sure, let's go! I bought the first car I looked at (after getting in the trunk of course). I decided to become nationally certified in 1 afternoon.

Now I am faced with a big choice once again. And I can't get a read on it. It has never been like this before. I always know deep down inside what I am supposed to do. Work hasn't been easy this past year and I am again faced with unemployment and the uncertainty of being a substitute with no contract.

Then there's this opportunity. This job opening that appeared quickly and people all around me said go for it. You don't owe the school district anything, do what's best for you. But I am hesitant. Not because the job is an office job more or less. But because it is not sitting right inside. Maybe that's part of growing up. The crazy, life altering choices aren't as easy because there is more at stake. More people to think about, bills and insurance premiums. Expectations.

Yesterday a friend ask me what my five year plan is. I replied that I don't know what my 5 day plan is. It's true, for someone who likes to be organized and is anxious about every single thing, I don't have a plan. I don't know what the future looks like. I have always just gone with what opportunities present themselves and hoped for the best.

I like how things have gone so far. I have seen and experienced things that I never thought I would growing up. But as the choices get bigger and the safety net smaller I am at a crosswords that will change my path.

And then as I write this I think - hey, don't worry. You'll be sure when you need to be. And maybe I will be. One thing I know for sure, without a doubt is that God knows my 5 year plan and beyond so it's ok that I don't right now!

My Lent Devotion

II Corinthians 5: 16-18

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, there is a new creation; the old has passed away – the new has come.

I recently discovered where the phrase “forgive and forget” comes from. This passage tells us that God sent Jesus to make us right with him. God forgives everything that we need him to, no questions asked. God is not holding a grudge against us for the day he can hold it over our heads. It is forgotten, gone, never to be remembered again.

Unfortunately, the person we often need to forgive is the one person we can’t, ourselves. As we live our lives day in and day out we are the constant reminder of our past mistakes, holding it over our own heads, making us miserable.

God knows our lives are too precious to dwell on the past, which is why he sent Jesus. He needs us to be at our best everyday to show others what his love and forgiveness can do for them. We are so blessed to know the love that Christ showed us on the cross; we need to share it with others.

To forgive and forget is not easy, but start with yourself and discover just how free you will be to share God’s love and message with others.

Ash Wednesday

This is a picture of my forehead last night after the Ash Wednesday service at Hollywood United Methodist Church. I touched it up a bit so don't worry I am not Jaundice! My last post was Nov. 24th, a rough week for me personally. Today I have a completely different outlook.

Jesus spent 40 days in the dessert being tempted in order to save me and last night kicked off the annual time that Christians take to remember that journey and prepare for the Crucifixion. I was immediately reminded that not everyone is as blessed as I am to celebrate this day, not Fat Tuesday, but the day that represents temptation, denial, and a journey. I stopped at Yogurtland for a snack on my way home and as I walked in the door I heard, "Hey, is it Ash Wednesday?" The question wasn't directed at me but I knew my forehead was responsible for the thought.

At the beginning of December I made a commitment to myself to do better. Not at work or with family or with anything in particular. Just better. And I have. I feel good most days and can honestly say that I have done better. I have taken time to appreciate what I have. Last night I was again reminded of the blessed life that I lead as I sat and had homemade soup and great conversation with fellow churchgoers, worshipped my heart out and ate some mighty fine frozen yogurt and then to come home, watch the US win a gold medal and fall into bed happy.

Here are some other things that are a part of my blessed life:

Sarah - it is so amazing to have a best friend and confident to come home to in this big city. She laughs with me (and at me), cries with me, listens to my stories and encourages me constantly.

My Job - I spent a long time being angry that I did not have the job I wanted but once I accepted the situation for what it was I found out I am enjoying my art classes and embarking on an adventure with reading intervention.

Middle school students - They amaze me. I constantly learn from them and laugh with them and have great conversations on the state of the world, grocery shopping, parents and love. I love that I hear "Hi Ms. Knapp" at least 100 times a day and I never get tired of saying hi back.

Trace - An acupuncturist who I begrudgingly went to see with little hope about a year ago has turned into a confidant, a healer and friend. Because if her I can manage my migraines better than I have on any medication in the past.

The Twilight Series - yeah. I said it. I got the series for Christmas and read it all in two weeks. It renewed my interest in reading, I try to read a little every night before I go to sleep now.

My parents - For teaching me everyday to live the "what would Jesus do?" credo. I am amazed by their selfless acts and strive to live a life of service for others as they have.

There is so much more than will fit in this blog, I am overwhelmingly blessed today and everyday and I am excited to take a Lenten journey to find out how I can do better because I know I can.

A Journey

Thirteen months ago, October 4, 2008 to be exact, I started a journey to be a Nationally Board Certified Teacher. I was excited and nervous for the endeavor as I had been told stories of how hard and arduous the process can be but I was determined. Some of that came from being in a new system where many of the teachers and staff were better educated than I was with masters degrees and doctorates. Some of it came from wanting to be busy as Sarah was going to night school and I was going to be alone in the house a lot. But most of all, I wanted it. For me. I wanted to not worry that if I moved again I had to get a new certificate and take tests and I wanted to be able to stay in the middle school setting.

So I logged 47 hours of meetings and trainings and work sessions. I spent every Saturday for 6 months writing, reviewing, and critiquing my own teaching. What do I do as a teacher? How do my students respond and am I able to give them what they need? What is a professional teacher? Have I become one and how do I prove it? These are just a couple of the questions that I spent hours discussing in my head and with those going through the process too. I spent much of my own time working, writing, thinking, researching. And of course I dragged Sarah into it as my editor, contributor and crutch.

Sarah videotaped my class a bunch of times until I got exactly what I needed to submit 2 - 15 minute DVD's of my teaching to determine my fate. I met a great friend who came over many nights to work together so we could be the strongest candidates possible. I took practice assessments in sessions that lasted 2-4 hours and learned terminology and pedagogy til I couldn't think straight.

I mailed the portfolio and took the 4 hour assessment and just like that it was over. Rather, I had to pretend it was over because that was June and the results don't come out until November. As the day approached to find out my fate I was a wreck, I picked a huge fight with Sarah over something stupid, I couldn't sleep, the usual stress induced stuff. Then last Friday the scores were released.

I didn't pass.

I called Sarah from school, tearful, and told her. I posted on facebook and twitter. I needed it to be out there, to be real. I immediately texted my friend to find out her fate. She passed! (and I am so happy and proud of her). Then came the tears. I couldn't stop. I tried and tried and tried to suck it up. I went to the hallway and gave myself a pep talk but it was too much. I called for coverage and headed home defeated. Sarah sat with me for an hour while I cried. There was nothing to say, nothing to make it better. I talked to mom and dad and they were so great. Mom got angry that someone would dare say I wasn't good enough and dad said "this test doesn't define you".

I couldn't hear any of it. I was disappointed. Disappointed in myself, feeling as if I had let everyone down. Sarah had worked hard on this project too, helping me be the best I could be, my parents were supportive through the whole process and had helped pay for it. I couldn't bear that they be disappointed in me. Then Sarah made pancakes and made me laugh. I went to see my acupuncturist who calmed my body down and let me sleep for a while. I left the appointment feeling much better. I came home, picked Sarah up and we went off to the movies. It was good not to think of it.

Sunday morning in church I got teary, and then cried again when my pastor mentioned it. I am not ready to talk about it yet face to face with anyone. It hurts.

BUT - I know that my dad was right. This test does not define me or my teaching. My portfolio scores were fantastic which means the people scoring my actual teaching thought I was fabulous and that I have gone above and beyond in the community, my profession and with the families of my students. That is something I am proud of. I believe that teaching is personal, that in order to really teach one has to know their students and that I do that is evident.

The downfall was the written assessment. A 4 hour test taken on a computer where you are given 6 prompts to answer. When I left the assessment center I couldn't tell anyone what the prompts were because I didn't remember. I still don't. I couldn't tell you what I wrote because those memories are not there. Evidently I had test anxiety and froze up.

I can take the test again in the spring and I might. I haven't decided, I still have some time. I can wait up to 2 years to retake it. This has been a difficult year, getting laid off, being a substitute and creating an art curriculum.

I don't know what the future holds. What I do know is that I am a good teacher. In fact, I am a great teacher. I have been in the trenches, experienced a lot in different parts of the country and learned more than I ever thought I could. The test doesn't define me, I define myself.

5 Weeks

I have been quiet these past five weeks. My life has not been quiet, there have been birthdays, out of town visitors, work, girls nights, all the usual yet I have been quiet here. There is a reason, one I can't really explain except to say that I know when it is time to blog, time to share with the world and I haven't had that moment of knowing until just now.

With my current placement as an art teacher I find that I have more free time on my hands than I would like. I have the internet in my classroom so I spend more time now than ever before staying abreast of the news cycle. I am an avid LA Times and CNN reader now, I read everything they post. This week has been difficult in the news with the Fort Hood shootings and the appeal of the D.C. Sniper for his life to be spared. It wasn't, a short while ago John Allen Muhammed was given a lethal injection.

I in no way want to start a death penalty debate with anyone so please do not misunderstand me, I am very aware of the pain that this man brought to a city, a nation. I was there with everyone, watching as law enforcement was helpless to stop the killing, I was there watching as the men responsible were arrested and everyone breathed easier if only for a moment. I do not understand what motivates someone to kill innocent people. I only know that this man caused undo pain and suffering to countless people through his actions. Was it right for the justice system to sentence him to death. I don't know. I do know that I felt sadness when I read the headline declaring his death tonight. I won't apologize for that sadness. What I know is that another person is dead tonight - wrong or right someone else has died. Added to the people who were shot in TX and Florida in the past week it is another death stacked on.

As I sit here I am reminded of something that I read quite sometime ago "All men and women whom I have faced at that final moment convince me that in what I have done I have not prevented a single murder" A statement by Britain's last hangman, Albert Peirrepoint. I do not feel that the death penalty saves lives. More people are killed today than ever before despite the death penalty.

I pray for John Allen Muhammed, for his family and the families of those whom he killed. I pray for those investigating the Fort Hood shootings and all of the families that feel a little less secure in their fortress tonight. I pray for the justice system and that decisions are made in fair, non-biased ways. I pray for our nation - that we can find peace among the war that wages and I pray for myself - that I can trust in God, his timing and be made whole in his spirit.

"Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: You don't give up." ~ Anne Lamott

So here's to not giving up today, tomorrow and the day after that. Hope. Sometimes it's all we have, knowing that makes my heart a bit lighter tonight.

I have been an art teacher for about a month now. It is going well. My students are enjoying the projects we have worked on, they are learning about art history, I am teaching and most importantly - paying the rent. I have spent a lot of time researching art techniques, artists and getting to know 213 students (up from 180 last year). Electives have many more students than academic classes due to less classes offered.

It is difficult without a background in teaching art but the other art teacher is a huge help and the students are pretty flexible so we are taking it one day at a time.

My students are talented and work hard here are some examples of collages we made in the likeness of Henri Matisse:

And it All Started with a Big Bang!

Who doesn't like a catchy theme song to a sitcom, and even better if the show is good, right! I am a big fan of smart T.V. and the Big Bang Theory (Monday nights on CBS) is very smart and funny. It hits close to home, as one of the main characters, Sheldon, has some OCD tendencies that I share. I personally see nothing wrong with sitting in the same place all the time or eating the same thing all the time but back to my story.

Living in Hollywood has its perks, one being that many shows are filmed here so for my birthday Sarah and our friend Emily got me tickets to see the show filmed "before a live studio audience"! It was very cool. Emily has a friend who is also a huge fan of the show and she got us the tickets because she has been to tapings many times before and knows all the pages so we got treated very well, we were first in line, had front row seats and I got my DVD signed by the cast and the creator Chuck Lorre.

When you first get into the your seats on the stage they show you a previously filmed episode, we were seeing the third episode being taped so we got to see the season premiere which was so cool because it won't be on T.V. for a couple more weeks. Then they start filming, it is like a play, start to finish, scene by scene. There was this guy who was in charge of the audience and was slightly amusing, he played audience games and gave out candy and such. Then about an hour in everyone got a piece of pizza and a bottle of water.

The filming got done around 9 which I understand to be early, some go until 11 or 12 but everything had run smoothly.

So when you watch the third episode of the season listen for the audience laughter - it's me!!!!

Response from School Board

This is the response I received today from the office of the President of the school board for the district. Frankly I am impressed to get a response and that she checked my status. I can't wait for the other 1,200 teachers to get hired so I can get my job back!

Dear Ms. Knapp,

Thank you for your email to Board President García. On the surface, it may appear that we do not care about our employees. The fact is that we do care a great deal.

I want to acknowledge that this situation must be extremely upsetting and frustrating. Working as an extended substitute certainly does not compare with being a contracted teacher. We’re not satisfied with this outcome, either--the District worked hard to recruit you, and we do not want to lose you. No one wanted the layoffs to happen. The goal has always been to maintain as many teaching positions as possible. Very difficult decisions were made in order for the District to remain solvent while still being able to meet the needs of our students.

On the positive side, you will have guaranteed employment (other RIF’d teachers whose schools were not able to bring them on as extended subs do not have this assurance) and you will qualify for health benefits effective October 1st because you worked the whole year last year. However, I checked your status, and unfortunately, there are approximately 1,200 elementary teachers with more seniority who would have to be offered reemployment before we could legally reach you on the list.

I wish I could help more.

With best wishes,

Amy

Amy Cooper

Deputy Chief of Staff

Office of Board President Mónica García

Los Angeles Unified School District

Letter to Steve Lopez at the L.A. Times

Mr. Lopez,

I have been following your columns on the situation regarding LAUSD and while I rarely voice my opinion to persons such as yourself, I wanted to share an e-mail I sent today to UTLA President A.J.Duffy, Superintendent Ramone Cortines and the school board members. I am fed up with the way I have been treated by this school district. I am a dedicated teacher who has not only worked hard to ensure that my students learn, but that I continue learning as well. I went through the process to become nationally certified this year. When my students found out I had received a pink slip they wanted to have a bake sale to save my job. Maybe if we could have gotten Martha Stewart it would have worked!

As I wrote to Mr. Duffy and the others I don't expect anything from you, I wanted to let you know that I appreciate that you are bringing this to the public's attention. The school district is treating its' employees badly and in the long run will end up hurting the students even more. I haven't decided if I am going to go back as a substitute yet, I find it hard accept that as my role. I worked hard to become a professional and wish only to be treated as one.

Thank you for your words, they are telling the whole story,

Angela Knapp


Dear Mr. Duffy

You don't know me, my name is Angela Knapp and I am one of the many who received a reduction in force letter this past spring. I am writing to you because I have no idea who else to contact. I have only been teaching in LAUSD for one year however, I have been teaching for four years. I am an accomplished, well trained professional and when I was informed of the lay-offs I was also made promises by my administration.

I understand there is only so much a school site can do and as such I will not be hired back. To that end, I am insulted by the superintendent's memo that all but some 300 rif'd employees were rehired by the district. I have been told that I can return to my school site as a long term sub. I am to understand that means no sick time, no paid holidays, a major pay cut and the loss of several other "perks" as they were.

I worked for three years on the Mexican border teaching seventh graders how to read and I spent last year putting that same energy into furthering the knowledge of the seventh grade Magnet students at John Burroughs Middle School. And now I am expected to carry on doing the same duties for a fraction of the pay? That is an insult to me and to the entire profession of teaching.

I don't know what I expect from you. Frankly, I've come to expect very little from my union and my former employer. But I thought you should hear the story of someone who cares and apparently, is not cared about.

Sincerely,
Angela Knapp
Former-LAUSD employee

10 Year Reunion

My ten year high school class reunion is in a couple of weeks and no, I am not attending. I really have no interest in it, I keep in touch with several people from my class and I don't have any need to have awkward conversations with people I didn't talk to ten years go for $25 in a bar.

This approaching milestone has led me to think about what has transpired these last ten years. Here are ten things I have learned since graduating from Howell High School in 1999:

1. Home is a state of mind. Ten years ago I never imagined living on the west coast but here I am. When I had the opportunity to move west I was terrified and felt alone but over time it has become home and now I love it! I still miss the mitten state and the people but it can't hurt to have more than one home.

2. Never underestimate the value of prayer.

3. Follow your heart.

4. Don't be a pack rat.

5. Always, always, blow out candles when you leave a room.

6. Don't be afraid to ask how to do something.

7. Always look a gang banger in the eye - no matter how much you are shaking.

8. There are some classes in college that you will not remember the content of no matter how hard you try, just pass and get out. (i.e. chemistry).

9. Write stuff down. The little stuff and the big stuff.

10. Never forget how good it was and keep moving to the next thing, there are more good things in store!

Waiting

As of June 30th I no longer work for the Los Angeles School District. My tenure there was short, 10 months, but like any other assignment I met some pretty terrific kids and some odd ducks too. I could be called back at any time in the next 96 months to pick up an assignment without losing my time but I am looking into other options.

It is July 5th. I am not good at not being employed. I am good at vacationing, spending money, traveling, teaching, but not sitting, waiting, interviewing and finding a job I was not schooled in. Teachers are not in demand. Not in California. Not in the west. Not in the midwest. Not in the east. Not anywhere. Jobs are few and far between and the open ones have too many applicants to count. I am not a specialist in my field.

I have a degree in elementary education. I want to teach middle school. So I spent a lot of money I didn't have this year to get nationally certified in tecahing middle school English. I don't get the results until November. That doesn't help me now unfortunatley. So for now I wait.

All this has kicked my anxiety disorder into high gear. Part of my disorder is a need for things to be organized and clean. To the point where it gets ridiculous. This week my project was Sarah and her files of writing. She was a good sport of course, she always is and now has color coded files for all her scripts and stories in tidy boxes and a very organized closet. My room can't get much more organized, nor can the kitchen so if anyone needs anything organized let me know :-).

I am trying to be patient and wait out God's plan, I know he has one, I wouldn't be in LA if I thought otherwise and I firmly believe I have been on a path that has been leading to something. It will become clear in time. It will.

I know lots of you are reading this and had thought I had given up updating but I haven't, I have just been busy organizing and praying and thinking. Thanks for sticking it out with me.

Whirlwind

It has been a whirlwind spring! Things are wrapped up at school finally. I am still officially laid off but that could change at anytime so fingers crossed. Mom and dad arrived after their cross country trek and we have been sightseeing, eating at fun restaurants, and having fun being together for over three weeks now. Our time is drawing to a close as they will go on their way through Texas and then home.

I had a bad fall at work on the 15th of this month carrying a crate of books to my car, my heel got caught in a crack and I went down hard on cement. I landed on my left foot and right side of my back. I have been in physical therapy for the injuries and am feeling better but still wearing a back brace fit for a Wal-Mart employee and have a hematoma in my abdomen that is of some concern to me but not to the doctors ;-). The good news is that workmans comp is paying for everything, 1 for me!

As things settle down over the next week I will fill you in on some more stuff that has happened, in the mean time check out my exciting adventures of peeing on a mouse via Sarah's blog.

Retirement

I was going to blog about me because that's what I usually do ;-) But I changed my mind after I got an e-mail filled with pictures of my parents recent trip to all over (they went a lot of places). My parents have worked hard for as long as I can remember. During the week they went to work during the day and either church or school stuff at night, on the weekends more church and house chores, family stuff. We very rarely had a time when we didn't have something to do as a family. I am sure no one reading this know what I am talking about!

We went on lots of vacations but there was always that sense of getting laundry done, back to work, etc... Then about a year ago they made a decision. Retirement was beckoning. I didn't believe it. My dad has always joked about it but he loved his job and my mom, although didn't like her job, has the same fears of the unknown that I do. They kept saying it was happening, then all of sudden other people knew and it was becoming more real. Then it happened. I was happy for them but not sure what it meant. They didn't go to work anymore. I changed numbers in my speed dial and my dad got a new cel phone but what else. What were they going to do.

Travel. That's what they said. I was unsure. We are not the most spontaneous family but off they went to Florida and made a bunch of stops along the way. Every time they called they were visiting some friend or family member. It was crazy, I kept calling to make sure they were OK sure that something bad would happen because it was too good to be true.

Then tonight I got the pictures of their several week long journey. And I cried. Big, happy, thankful tears of joy. I honestly can't tell you the last time my mom looked that relaxed or my dad looked like he was having that much fun.

My parents have spent a lifetime serving God, raising two daughters, taking care of family, and giving everything to everyone else - they deserve every trip, roadside diner, hotel room and ghost town in their future.

They are driving across the country to visit Sarah and I for a few weeks at the end of the month and I can't wait to experience this new found freedom with them!