What a Week!

Last week was a week! I hope this week goes better. Part of my job is to be a child advocate. I take that very seriously, sometimes a little too seriously. The last few months one of my kids has been bullying some of the other kids. He is good friends with one of Sarah's kids. There are three of them all together who form this little gang and go around trying to start fights, picking on kids who don't fight back and generally making my life difficult.

Long story short I have spent a lot of time writing referrals, calling parents, talking to kids and administration and trying to stop these kids from making mistakes. It finally came to a head this week and we sent the two biggest bullies to our alternative placement program. They go for a minimum of 30 days, a maximum of 60 and usually 45. When the decision was made I was relieved to know that the problems would end. That my kids being bullied would no longer have to walk down the halls in fear or be constantly called horrible names.

After school I went to the office and my student who was being sent to the alternative program was waiting for his mom so my boss told me to go in and talk with him. I tried to get through to him about his choices. I was desperately trying to get him to see that he was making bad choices and that he was better than that. I was okay until he teared up. Then I teared up and then I had to leave the room.

That always happens. I get so angry at the kids who make the bad choices and work so hard to get them the consequences they deserve which I see is in their best interest and then when it actually happens I am filled with remorse and guilt. I think when it comes right down too it I feel like a failure. I couldn't fix this child. I had 6 1/2 months with him and I couldn't make it right. Now, realistically I know you can't undo 12 years in a few months but it still feels like failure.

I know that tomorrow I will go to work, see that empty desk and feel sadness. But I know that I am still a child advocate and I couldn't change those circumstances but there are still 57 kids and many more months to go. So I choose to be optimistic.