Well another busy week has passed here on the west coast and we are making the most of it!
Thursday was parents night at school and I had a huge turnout which was great. It is rare to see so many parents interested in their child's education after elementary school. I had about 80 parents out of 170 kids. Far above the non-magnet classes.
I took Friday off to go the pain clinic at Cedar-Sinai where my new headache Dr. is located. He seems very nice and hands on. I go back on Thursday to see a psychologist and to decide on a treatment plan. He gave me several personality tests to take and send in that will give him a better idea of the course of treatment that will be best. I had to get several prescriptions filled and the co-pay was only $5 each with my new insurance. It's fabulous. A month ago I would have paid almost $100 a piece for them.
Friday night we had a new friend over (Sean) from church for pizza and cards and then met up with another group and a bar called Snow White's. It's a really small place but all the artwork is original and was done by the Disney artists who created the original Snow White for Disney. It was really cool!
I met new fun people too; a stuntman who once got beat up by Tori Spelling on 90210 and was Andrew Shue's double on Melrose Place for a couple years and jumped off a cliff for my friend Pauley in a movie (apparently it's hard to find tall stunt woman). There was a video editor, a playwrite/actor and 4 5 of us were originally from Michigan. Too crazy!
Saturday we did some errand stuff and watched movies with Emily. Sunday we did the church thing and then while Sarah was writing I took my written tests for the doctor.
Tomorrow it is back to work but we have Tuesday off as an unassigned day so I am going to volunteer at church for the homeless lunch.
On the 19th of October, I am joining the Hollywood United Methodist Church as an associate member. I have a sponsor and everything (afore mentioned Sean). I am joining as an associate because I am not ready to sever my membership in Howell yet. This way I can have the best of both worlds!
That's all for now - Tomorrow I am back at Snow White's after work to meet the gang since it's not a school night.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Commuter for a Day
Today I joined the ranks of those who get on the freeway every morning here in the City of Angels and crawl their way to work. I had a training to attend at Pepperdine University in Culver City which is only about 15 miles from me in reality. I knew it would take awhile because I had to get on two of the busiest commuter routes in L.A.
I gave myself an hour and after 15 minutes of the freeway I reset my GPS to the surface streets and wound my way through the city. In reality it probably took the same amount of time but at least I was moving! I got to the conference at 7:56 - right on time.
I left the area around 2:45 and expresswayed it home the congestion was lighter because it wasn't rush hour and it took me about 30 minutes or so. I have come to the conclusion that the pace of the freeway here is the pace of life. It doesn't pay to be in a hurry. There are rarely accidents holding traffic up, or construction. It is the sheer number of cars and people going about their business. It doesn't bother me too much because I don't have to deal with it very much I guess. I find it interesting to watch the other people too.
When I got home I was standing in the living room talking to Sarah and all of a sudden Sarah gasped and I heard a weird noise. I looked out the window and saw a car turning around in the street/our driveway. He had hit our neighbor's cinder block (used to keep people out of the driveway) and my car. There was no noise but my car was physically shaking. I headed out the front door at a quick rate looked at him and turned to look at my car. I assumed (yeah I know what happens) that he was stopping on the street. When I turned back around he was gone. He just took off.
My car is scratched. Not dented but definitely scratched. I am pissed. We didn't get the license number on his car. In California you can't file a no fault claim so I am stuck with it. Now it matches the front of the car where the same thing happened a month ago although I didn't witness it. I am tired of people using my car as a bumper.
It will be paid off in six months or less so mom suggested maybe I can get it buffed or something since there are no actual dents just scratches. It is frustrating.
I gave myself an hour and after 15 minutes of the freeway I reset my GPS to the surface streets and wound my way through the city. In reality it probably took the same amount of time but at least I was moving! I got to the conference at 7:56 - right on time.
I left the area around 2:45 and expresswayed it home the congestion was lighter because it wasn't rush hour and it took me about 30 minutes or so. I have come to the conclusion that the pace of the freeway here is the pace of life. It doesn't pay to be in a hurry. There are rarely accidents holding traffic up, or construction. It is the sheer number of cars and people going about their business. It doesn't bother me too much because I don't have to deal with it very much I guess. I find it interesting to watch the other people too.
When I got home I was standing in the living room talking to Sarah and all of a sudden Sarah gasped and I heard a weird noise. I looked out the window and saw a car turning around in the street/our driveway. He had hit our neighbor's cinder block (used to keep people out of the driveway) and my car. There was no noise but my car was physically shaking. I headed out the front door at a quick rate looked at him and turned to look at my car. I assumed (yeah I know what happens) that he was stopping on the street. When I turned back around he was gone. He just took off.
My car is scratched. Not dented but definitely scratched. I am pissed. We didn't get the license number on his car. In California you can't file a no fault claim so I am stuck with it. Now it matches the front of the car where the same thing happened a month ago although I didn't witness it. I am tired of people using my car as a bumper.
It will be paid off in six months or less so mom suggested maybe I can get it buffed or something since there are no actual dents just scratches. It is frustrating.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Tales of JB
JB will be what I use to refer to my school from here on out, it looks better than it sounds, as I thought everyone was saying JV (junior varsity) pride for awhile. I know, I know. Anyway, here are some things that have been going on with my new great kids. We really aren't having any problems. They are quiet, hardworking and eager to please. I had them create goals and they came up with awesome ones.
I also put out a sign out sheet for my classroom library and within 5 days I had to put out another, the books are flying off the shelves, these kids read and I mean read, they love to read and talk about the books they are reading. I put the book orders out today and you would have thought it was everyone's birthday!
Today we had an assembly and not only did I get to sit with my class and not have to speak to anyone about behavior, the students took it upon themselves to clap for the people speaking to them about the rules and expectations of the schools. When I got back to my room one of my students asked me how I got up the stairs. I paused and said I walked. He then asked how in my heels and skirt. I smiled and said I do it everyday. Granted, they are higher heels than normal but I still have a classroom on the second floor! I asked him how he thought I got upstairs everyday and he said he hadn't ever thought about it before but it must be hard. They are sweet!
I am coming back to this after school and there are two boys in my room combing the book order trying to figure out how the one can make his 10 dollar allowance into $38 to buy the Harry Potter box set! I can't get rid of them :-)
I have to get home as Sarah and I are off to parking services to get her a pass for school, she starts soon and maybe some pinkberry! A new addiction we have developed!
I also put out a sign out sheet for my classroom library and within 5 days I had to put out another, the books are flying off the shelves, these kids read and I mean read, they love to read and talk about the books they are reading. I put the book orders out today and you would have thought it was everyone's birthday!
Today we had an assembly and not only did I get to sit with my class and not have to speak to anyone about behavior, the students took it upon themselves to clap for the people speaking to them about the rules and expectations of the schools. When I got back to my room one of my students asked me how I got up the stairs. I paused and said I walked. He then asked how in my heels and skirt. I smiled and said I do it everyday. Granted, they are higher heels than normal but I still have a classroom on the second floor! I asked him how he thought I got upstairs everyday and he said he hadn't ever thought about it before but it must be hard. They are sweet!
I am coming back to this after school and there are two boys in my room combing the book order trying to figure out how the one can make his 10 dollar allowance into $38 to buy the Harry Potter box set! I can't get rid of them :-)
I have to get home as Sarah and I are off to parking services to get her a pass for school, she starts soon and maybe some pinkberry! A new addiction we have developed!
Monday, September 08, 2008
LAUSD
I have been wanting to take some time to update you about my new job and I have finally found a few minutes to spare, this is what has been happening since the day I accepted the position. I waited around for the call, I had been told that someone would contact me. I got a call Monday afternoon from the liaison telling me to come in to headquarters and sign on the dotted line. Oh, if it were only that easy...
We moved the 20th and on the 21st I went in to take care of paperwork, thinking it would be a snap because I already had my credential. I was sooooo wrong. First I had to be fingerprinted, they use this high-tech system with no ink! Even though I had already cleared with the FBI in July, the district requires their own screening which can take anywhere from a day to 4 weeks to clear. Then I had to fill out a bunch of usual tax papers and such, get a TB test and was then informed I would need to pass a physical. I was given a list of doctors and told to come back Monday to check the TB test and have the physical completed.
At this point I had been given my salary which was good news but told that I would be paid once a month and that September was a no go. This was no good considering we had spent every last dime on our down payment and moving. Things were not looking up.
Friday we went to the DMV (which requires at least two visits) and then I went to a clinic in Hollywood to get my physical done. It was very routine, I also received word that my fingerprints had cleared so I assumed Monday I would go in, sign and be done. Wrong again!
Monday I go directly to the health office, my TB test checks out just fine for once (I usually test false positive) and hand over my physical. The nurse quickly latches on to the fact that I take anti-depressants and this may somehow endanger children so she gives me paperwork that HAS to be filled out by the diagnosing doctor. This is a bit difficult because I have been on meds since 2000 and that was many, many doctors ago. I took the forms upstairs to my contract liaison and begged her to fax them to the clinic in Chicago. Then I called Chicago, talked to the nurse who said she would fill them out and fax them back. I waited, and waited and waited some more. About an hour after Chicago business closed for the day I went home frustrated (after Sarah picked me up - she got lost in Little Tokyo). Tuesday, I call to find the fax, no one can find it on the phone so I go in (long drive). It's not there, I am thoroughly upset now and done wasting my time at this point. I am seriously considering hurting someone.
At this point the department manager gives me his cell number and tells me not to come back until I talk to him and he has the fax. Finally, some progress. He also said that as long as it was ok with my principal I could go into my room and start getting ready. That took a load off! The fax finally made it and the nurse still didn't want to clear me because the clinic didn't put some number on it, I must have looked desperate because she put me through anyway - Thank God. I went upstairs signed and left and official employee.
Except that I didn't have an employee number so I couldn't sign up for benefits. This was Wednesday and if I didn't sign up by Friday (month's end) I would have to wait until October. Again, panic mode!
Thursday and Friday Sarah and Dad helped me clean out the horrible mess in my room and set up my stuff, it was a huge undertaking in two days but the results were great. Friday morning while dad was with the electricians at the house I got a page that my employee number had come in at school. Sarah and I rushed downtown to sign up for my benefits, we made it just in time for the September deadline.
By Friday night we were all pretty beat but things were looking up, the house was unpacked, my room was ready to go and we had had some fun with my dad while he was in town. It was a crazy two weeks but definitely worth it in the long run.
Today was the first full day of school and can I just say that I am loving my job so far. The faculty and staff are so nice, everyone has been incredibly helpful. One woman actually went out of her way to explain the fire drill procedure to me and I didn't even know who she was!
The kids are great, they are so full of energy yet, they have a need to learn and really do their best at everything. One of the things we did was write down dreams for the future and I saw everything from dentist to engineer to inventing an air tank small enough to fit in your mouth so you can go deep into the water, lawyer, marine biologist, teacher, saving the world, computer engineer, attend an ivy league school and much more. These kids have plans and they are already working the plans to make their dreams come true.
This school is providing a place for students to have the opportunity to learn, grow, and develop talents in a safe and appropriate atmosphere that they may not have had in their own neighborhood. I feel truly blessed to have been placed here and though the road was long and I grew weary I am so thankful that no one gave up on me and you all helped me stay positive so that I could get to this place.
We moved the 20th and on the 21st I went in to take care of paperwork, thinking it would be a snap because I already had my credential. I was sooooo wrong. First I had to be fingerprinted, they use this high-tech system with no ink! Even though I had already cleared with the FBI in July, the district requires their own screening which can take anywhere from a day to 4 weeks to clear. Then I had to fill out a bunch of usual tax papers and such, get a TB test and was then informed I would need to pass a physical. I was given a list of doctors and told to come back Monday to check the TB test and have the physical completed.
At this point I had been given my salary which was good news but told that I would be paid once a month and that September was a no go. This was no good considering we had spent every last dime on our down payment and moving. Things were not looking up.
Friday we went to the DMV (which requires at least two visits) and then I went to a clinic in Hollywood to get my physical done. It was very routine, I also received word that my fingerprints had cleared so I assumed Monday I would go in, sign and be done. Wrong again!
Monday I go directly to the health office, my TB test checks out just fine for once (I usually test false positive) and hand over my physical. The nurse quickly latches on to the fact that I take anti-depressants and this may somehow endanger children so she gives me paperwork that HAS to be filled out by the diagnosing doctor. This is a bit difficult because I have been on meds since 2000 and that was many, many doctors ago. I took the forms upstairs to my contract liaison and begged her to fax them to the clinic in Chicago. Then I called Chicago, talked to the nurse who said she would fill them out and fax them back. I waited, and waited and waited some more. About an hour after Chicago business closed for the day I went home frustrated (after Sarah picked me up - she got lost in Little Tokyo). Tuesday, I call to find the fax, no one can find it on the phone so I go in (long drive). It's not there, I am thoroughly upset now and done wasting my time at this point. I am seriously considering hurting someone.
At this point the department manager gives me his cell number and tells me not to come back until I talk to him and he has the fax. Finally, some progress. He also said that as long as it was ok with my principal I could go into my room and start getting ready. That took a load off! The fax finally made it and the nurse still didn't want to clear me because the clinic didn't put some number on it, I must have looked desperate because she put me through anyway - Thank God. I went upstairs signed and left and official employee.
Except that I didn't have an employee number so I couldn't sign up for benefits. This was Wednesday and if I didn't sign up by Friday (month's end) I would have to wait until October. Again, panic mode!
Thursday and Friday Sarah and Dad helped me clean out the horrible mess in my room and set up my stuff, it was a huge undertaking in two days but the results were great. Friday morning while dad was with the electricians at the house I got a page that my employee number had come in at school. Sarah and I rushed downtown to sign up for my benefits, we made it just in time for the September deadline.
By Friday night we were all pretty beat but things were looking up, the house was unpacked, my room was ready to go and we had had some fun with my dad while he was in town. It was a crazy two weeks but definitely worth it in the long run.
Today was the first full day of school and can I just say that I am loving my job so far. The faculty and staff are so nice, everyone has been incredibly helpful. One woman actually went out of her way to explain the fire drill procedure to me and I didn't even know who she was!
The kids are great, they are so full of energy yet, they have a need to learn and really do their best at everything. One of the things we did was write down dreams for the future and I saw everything from dentist to engineer to inventing an air tank small enough to fit in your mouth so you can go deep into the water, lawyer, marine biologist, teacher, saving the world, computer engineer, attend an ivy league school and much more. These kids have plans and they are already working the plans to make their dreams come true.
This school is providing a place for students to have the opportunity to learn, grow, and develop talents in a safe and appropriate atmosphere that they may not have had in their own neighborhood. I feel truly blessed to have been placed here and though the road was long and I grew weary I am so thankful that no one gave up on me and you all helped me stay positive so that I could get to this place.
Thursday, September 04, 2008
10 Things I Love About Los Angeles
10. Thousands of restaurants to choose from!
9. My house is big, breezy and beautiful!
8. I live 30 minutes from the ocean
7. At any given time you can see a man walking down the street selling balloons and cotton candy, no parade required!
6. My job is on Willshire boulevard! And I love the school, colleagues and kids (so far at least) :-)
5. I live in a neighborhood where the moms call their kids home for dinner - really!
4. I do not have a dress code for work, I can once again wear all my clothes, not just the ones I am forced to!
3. There are at least 4 malls within 20 minutes of my house!
2. There is a really great church close to our house and it is Methodist!
And the # 1 thing I love about Los Angeles is.....
I am on this surreal adventure and around every corner is another great thing to do or see, as soon as the exhaustion of week 1 at school wears off I will share more!
9. My house is big, breezy and beautiful!
8. I live 30 minutes from the ocean
7. At any given time you can see a man walking down the street selling balloons and cotton candy, no parade required!
6. My job is on Willshire boulevard! And I love the school, colleagues and kids (so far at least) :-)
5. I live in a neighborhood where the moms call their kids home for dinner - really!
4. I do not have a dress code for work, I can once again wear all my clothes, not just the ones I am forced to!
3. There are at least 4 malls within 20 minutes of my house!
2. There is a really great church close to our house and it is Methodist!
And the # 1 thing I love about Los Angeles is.....
I am on this surreal adventure and around every corner is another great thing to do or see, as soon as the exhaustion of week 1 at school wears off I will share more!
Monday, August 25, 2008
I'm Here
Yep, I am here, in L.A. I have moved into the house, I like it a lot. We are still unpacking boxes. Where did all of these boxes come from anyway? Who needs all this stuff? I guess I do:-) It has been a long week. I have spent much of the time running around which means learning how to navigate this crazy city. I have spent some time at the DMV and at the Los Angeles Unified School Districts main building.
We have made many trips to Target, Wal-Mart, and the like, we have also been to a museum and Rodeo Drive, the Santa Monica Pier and the famous Chinese theater. We went to church and met our neighbors.
Yes. I am exhausted. I haven't been cleared to start work yet, hopefully that will happen tomorrow, I really need to get into my classroom but there have been so many papers to fill out and I had to have a TB test and a physical and get special paperwork from the Doc in Chicago. I had to do various other boring things as well that take time. It is a long process to be a teacher here.
That's it for now, wanted you to know I am here, haven't forgotten you and know you want updates. Pictures are forthcoming as are some funny stories because you know chaos ensues wherever I go! But right now I must close my eyes, they are heavy.
We have made many trips to Target, Wal-Mart, and the like, we have also been to a museum and Rodeo Drive, the Santa Monica Pier and the famous Chinese theater. We went to church and met our neighbors.
Yes. I am exhausted. I haven't been cleared to start work yet, hopefully that will happen tomorrow, I really need to get into my classroom but there have been so many papers to fill out and I had to have a TB test and a physical and get special paperwork from the Doc in Chicago. I had to do various other boring things as well that take time. It is a long process to be a teacher here.
That's it for now, wanted you to know I am here, haven't forgotten you and know you want updates. Pictures are forthcoming as are some funny stories because you know chaos ensues wherever I go! But right now I must close my eyes, they are heavy.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Then came the answered prayers!
As many of my loyal readers know it has been a long summer. Of waiting. And wondering. And praying. And waiting. Well the wait is over my friends! That's right, get out those address books and get ready to change mine because I am moving this week, not soon or within the next two weeks or by the end of the month, nope this week! Here's what happened:
I went to a job fair for science teachers, it was different than those I had been to before. You put your resume in envelopes and waited to be called for an interview. I got called many times. Sarah went with me and said when I was out interviewing I kept being called. I felt really good about that, I know I shouldn't brag but there were some people who didn't get called at all, it was sad. I interviewed for a 6th grade position, and 3 science positions but no direct offers were given. They were announcing the people who were being hired in the waiting area and it was happening fast.
At one point the man with the microphone announced that a middle school needed a science teacher but had no candidates and was taking volunteers. Sarah went for the map to check the location and I went up to volunteer, hey I need a job right! They took me in and I spoke with two women from John Burroughs Middle School about a science position until the Assistant Principal noticed my resume. She asked about my English background and was very interested in my work in Yuma. She said they had a 7th grade English position open and would I rather have that. DUH! Of course I would! We talked about English and they said I was a great fit for their gifted and talented program and offered me the position. It was fate. Not really, I know the big guy had this plan all along and it is perfect so far!!!!
We got a hotel room, had supper and got Friday to find a place to live. The second place we went to was it, a nice little house in a good neighborhood less than 5 minutes from my school and very close to Sarah's. The broker loved us (and our credit scores), even the lady at Office Depot loved us! we were having a banner day let me tell you :-)
We signed the lease and take it over as of Tuesday (my birthday!). We got home late Friday and today has been a whirlwind. We had a mini pool party/BBQ with some friends complete with birthday cake and lots of laughter.
Then I watched Michael Phelps make history with his 8th Gold Medal of this Olympics. Sarah fell asleep awhile ago but I have been to psyched to sleep much yesterday or today. I can't wait to get into my classroom and figure out just how you teach gifted and talented children. I am used to the other end of the spectrum!
To all of you that have been pulling for me these past months, thank you, I would never had made it without your kind words and encouragement. We have lots of room so if anyone wants to visit LA is way more fun than Yuma, I promise!!!!
I went to a job fair for science teachers, it was different than those I had been to before. You put your resume in envelopes and waited to be called for an interview. I got called many times. Sarah went with me and said when I was out interviewing I kept being called. I felt really good about that, I know I shouldn't brag but there were some people who didn't get called at all, it was sad. I interviewed for a 6th grade position, and 3 science positions but no direct offers were given. They were announcing the people who were being hired in the waiting area and it was happening fast.
At one point the man with the microphone announced that a middle school needed a science teacher but had no candidates and was taking volunteers. Sarah went for the map to check the location and I went up to volunteer, hey I need a job right! They took me in and I spoke with two women from John Burroughs Middle School about a science position until the Assistant Principal noticed my resume. She asked about my English background and was very interested in my work in Yuma. She said they had a 7th grade English position open and would I rather have that. DUH! Of course I would! We talked about English and they said I was a great fit for their gifted and talented program and offered me the position. It was fate. Not really, I know the big guy had this plan all along and it is perfect so far!!!!
We got a hotel room, had supper and got Friday to find a place to live. The second place we went to was it, a nice little house in a good neighborhood less than 5 minutes from my school and very close to Sarah's. The broker loved us (and our credit scores), even the lady at Office Depot loved us! we were having a banner day let me tell you :-)
We signed the lease and take it over as of Tuesday (my birthday!). We got home late Friday and today has been a whirlwind. We had a mini pool party/BBQ with some friends complete with birthday cake and lots of laughter.
Then I watched Michael Phelps make history with his 8th Gold Medal of this Olympics. Sarah fell asleep awhile ago but I have been to psyched to sleep much yesterday or today. I can't wait to get into my classroom and figure out just how you teach gifted and talented children. I am used to the other end of the spectrum!
To all of you that have been pulling for me these past months, thank you, I would never had made it without your kind words and encouragement. We have lots of room so if anyone wants to visit LA is way more fun than Yuma, I promise!!!!
Friday, August 08, 2008
Scary
Sarah left me a surprise the other day, imagine coming back to your computer and finding this as your background!!!!!
One More Rabbit
On Wednesday I was told that I was a great candidate and that it was a very difficult decision and not everyone is told that but I would not be offered a job at the Jewish Day School I had so hoping would put an end to all the craziness in my life. I, in my always calm, clear thinking responses, decided I did not want to work with people I would not see in Heaven anyway. So there.
After getting the news I sat very still for a while but did not cry. This is usually my visceral reaction. I was unexpectedly calm, like somehow, deep down I knew that this was supposed to happen. I immediately went for the computer and got on the phone with the Los Angeles Unified School District. The second (to NYC) largest in the country. I had applied months ago and not responded to their request for an interview, certain something better would come along. I looked at Sarah and told her this was truly the last rabbit I had to pull out of my hat. If this didn't work we were looking at the not so good plan c. (trust me you don't want to know about plan c).
I spoke to a very nice recruiter who set up an interview for Thursday afternoon and assured me everything would be fine. Sarah and I made arrangements, not difficult really. Just making sure we had peanut butter sandwiches and all :-) Thursday morning I called on a hunch to ask a question and spoke to another recruiter who informed me that I was not qualified to to middle school science and should not waste the gas to drive up. I was devastated. To the fact that I hid in my closet to cry privately. Sarah lost me for a few minutes which is hard to do in our apartment when she located me and I told her the news we called my mom and went into plan c mode. It was horrible. We were going to have to repack everything and separate.
Then, the recruiter called back and said hey, what do you know - you can teach science! So come on down. Wow - many more false alarms like that and I may actually have a stroke. So off we went. The interview was fine, they shuffled you from office to office meeting very nice people. The employees on the 15th floor were very excited to meet me as I am No Child Left Behind compliant to teach science at the middle school level, this is a huge shortage for the district.
The moment I got there people started whispering that I was there for science and checking my credentials. My recruiter came looking for me, very excited that he had landed me, in reality I had called him! I got invited to a special event for science teachers next Thursday so back up we go, hopefully by then we will be able to get an apartment and get the move solidified.
Here's what I have decided. I believe in public school, I was educated in public schools all the way through college and intend to get my masters at one, soon. I know many smart people who were educated in the public system and I know it works. There are problems. There are problems with every system. I got a little lost in my search for employment. The private schools I was looking at were flashy and selective both in students and staff. All students were at grade level and above, no discipline problems as such and very involved parents.
But what happens to the kids who are below grade level, whose parents can't be involved, who act out because they don't understand or don't know any better. On this long, incredibly difficult journey Sarah and I have been on these past months I have learned something about myself. I need to teach the students that need teachers. The Los Angeles Unified School District is not well funded, it is not known for flashy buildings and up to date technology. There are gang problems and long days for staff. The pay is pretty good but not great but they need teachers because they have kids. They have thousands of kids who will start school this year not ready to learn or behave, not ready to be in the grade they have been promoted to, not ready to sit in a desk or take notes, not ready to listen to someone tell them what to do. But I will be there teacher because as it turns out, that's what I am good at. Teaching the kids that need teachers.
After getting the news I sat very still for a while but did not cry. This is usually my visceral reaction. I was unexpectedly calm, like somehow, deep down I knew that this was supposed to happen. I immediately went for the computer and got on the phone with the Los Angeles Unified School District. The second (to NYC) largest in the country. I had applied months ago and not responded to their request for an interview, certain something better would come along. I looked at Sarah and told her this was truly the last rabbit I had to pull out of my hat. If this didn't work we were looking at the not so good plan c. (trust me you don't want to know about plan c).
I spoke to a very nice recruiter who set up an interview for Thursday afternoon and assured me everything would be fine. Sarah and I made arrangements, not difficult really. Just making sure we had peanut butter sandwiches and all :-) Thursday morning I called on a hunch to ask a question and spoke to another recruiter who informed me that I was not qualified to to middle school science and should not waste the gas to drive up. I was devastated. To the fact that I hid in my closet to cry privately. Sarah lost me for a few minutes which is hard to do in our apartment when she located me and I told her the news we called my mom and went into plan c mode. It was horrible. We were going to have to repack everything and separate.
Then, the recruiter called back and said hey, what do you know - you can teach science! So come on down. Wow - many more false alarms like that and I may actually have a stroke. So off we went. The interview was fine, they shuffled you from office to office meeting very nice people. The employees on the 15th floor were very excited to meet me as I am No Child Left Behind compliant to teach science at the middle school level, this is a huge shortage for the district.
The moment I got there people started whispering that I was there for science and checking my credentials. My recruiter came looking for me, very excited that he had landed me, in reality I had called him! I got invited to a special event for science teachers next Thursday so back up we go, hopefully by then we will be able to get an apartment and get the move solidified.
Here's what I have decided. I believe in public school, I was educated in public schools all the way through college and intend to get my masters at one, soon. I know many smart people who were educated in the public system and I know it works. There are problems. There are problems with every system. I got a little lost in my search for employment. The private schools I was looking at were flashy and selective both in students and staff. All students were at grade level and above, no discipline problems as such and very involved parents.
But what happens to the kids who are below grade level, whose parents can't be involved, who act out because they don't understand or don't know any better. On this long, incredibly difficult journey Sarah and I have been on these past months I have learned something about myself. I need to teach the students that need teachers. The Los Angeles Unified School District is not well funded, it is not known for flashy buildings and up to date technology. There are gang problems and long days for staff. The pay is pretty good but not great but they need teachers because they have kids. They have thousands of kids who will start school this year not ready to learn or behave, not ready to be in the grade they have been promoted to, not ready to sit in a desk or take notes, not ready to listen to someone tell them what to do. But I will be there teacher because as it turns out, that's what I am good at. Teaching the kids that need teachers.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Crazy Dream
I have to get my car taken care of this week. I like my car and I want to keep it nice but in this heat there is no motivation to go outside. I need an oil change bad, please no one ask me how long it has been. And it needs a rub down inside and out with vacuuming. I put this on my to do list last night before bed and it must have got in to my subconscious because I dreamed that I was at the quarter car was and the quarters would not go into the slot. Then I saw a space above the stall and there were kids in it. The kids were stealing the money from the car wash. I called them a not so nice name and they ran off.
It was very strange, I thought I would share and should probably go get busy on the car.
It was very strange, I thought I would share and should probably go get busy on the car.
Hunting Trip
I am exhausted. After two weeks of doing well, mostly nothing, I went on a hunting trip. Fortunately for me it did not involve guns. Sarah and I went to L.A. to look at apartments and I had a job interview, yippee! We left Saturday morning and I drove the five hours up to the city. We found our hotel very easily thanks to the nice lady on the phone. I think she is a computer but she is very helpful just the same.
If you refer to Sarah's blog you can read all about our excursions in the city, I won't bore you with repeating all the details, I will say this. LA is big, very big but the more we drove around, I did get used to it some and I feel better about the move now.
I ended up having two interviews, I got a call Sunday evening to set up a second one in the valley for Monday afternoon. Here's what happened:
Interview #1 - Jewish day school 5th grade position. I am not, nor will I ever be Jewish. I am not from West LA. Two strikes against me in the eyes of the interviewer. She spent the whole time telling me why I wasn't qualified and at one point asked if the public schools were hiring. I left feeling pretty beat down and insulted. Knowing I had no hope of being hired. I was upset because we had spent so much time and money to be in town for the interview.
Interview #2 - Jewish day school 5th grade position. The Head of School was very nice, she was excited to meet me and learn about ME. She had no problem with me not being Jewish and I totally tattled on interviewer #1, she was appalled! I am hoping for an offer from this one by next week, she asked me to call her if I got any other offers this week. I didn't tell her the chances of that were very small!
Encino seems like a good fit for us, we can be Valley girls! It is not too far from UCLA and a little (I stress little) calmer than the city.
Anyway, what will be will be. We are both exhausted from the three day hunting experience but are closer to housing and jobs so that is a good sign. So far my favorite thing about LA is that there is frozen yogurt at every corner!!!!!!
If you refer to Sarah's blog you can read all about our excursions in the city, I won't bore you with repeating all the details, I will say this. LA is big, very big but the more we drove around, I did get used to it some and I feel better about the move now.
I ended up having two interviews, I got a call Sunday evening to set up a second one in the valley for Monday afternoon. Here's what happened:
Interview #1 - Jewish day school 5th grade position. I am not, nor will I ever be Jewish. I am not from West LA. Two strikes against me in the eyes of the interviewer. She spent the whole time telling me why I wasn't qualified and at one point asked if the public schools were hiring. I left feeling pretty beat down and insulted. Knowing I had no hope of being hired. I was upset because we had spent so much time and money to be in town for the interview.
Interview #2 - Jewish day school 5th grade position. The Head of School was very nice, she was excited to meet me and learn about ME. She had no problem with me not being Jewish and I totally tattled on interviewer #1, she was appalled! I am hoping for an offer from this one by next week, she asked me to call her if I got any other offers this week. I didn't tell her the chances of that were very small!
Encino seems like a good fit for us, we can be Valley girls! It is not too far from UCLA and a little (I stress little) calmer than the city.
Anyway, what will be will be. We are both exhausted from the three day hunting experience but are closer to housing and jobs so that is a good sign. So far my favorite thing about LA is that there is frozen yogurt at every corner!!!!!!
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Fear Be Gone
I made a decision tonight, a big one. I decided that starting right now (well about 30 minutes ago) I am not going to give in to the fear anymore. Fear is a waste of time. At least in this instance because I have nothing to be afraid of, yet. I don't have a job to worry about, an apartment to worry about, etc... Frankly I should be living it up right now, enjoying this carefree time. So I have spent the past few minutes not only watching "Pretty Woman" on TBS but reminding myself of the brave and courageous things I have done in the past. Sometimes you just have to throw humility to the wind!
I acted in the 7th grade play (it was about baseball, I was one of 5 that had speaking parts!)
I am proud to say I have never done recreational drugs even though they have been offered
I went to college and lived in the dorms and made friends even though it was very scary!
I spent three years working in a dying ministry to show college students there was more to college than being drunk.
I went to the Dr. and got put on depression and anxiety medication because I knew something was wrong. I was a sophomore in college.
I spent a summer working in Appalachia, the toughest thing I have ever done by far.
I told my parents that I got a speeding ticket with a mandatory court appearance (lots of tears).
I have said goodbye to two grandfathers and many other wonderful people I have known in my life and learned that it is brave to love because in loving you lose part of yourself but you get much more back.
I started a small business.
I survived three hospital stays for migraines and two surgeries.
I moved to the middle of nowhere for a job I had wanted my entire life.
I spent 3 years teaching children, many of whom did not speak English well, were involved in gang activity, drug use and came from low income situations.
I have traveled to Mexico countless times without being kidnapped or detained bt border control
I quit my job and gave notice on my apartment to follow a new adventure and dream to the big city.
When you add it to the list it doesn't seem so scary because all those other things worked out alright!
I acted in the 7th grade play (it was about baseball, I was one of 5 that had speaking parts!)
I am proud to say I have never done recreational drugs even though they have been offered
I went to college and lived in the dorms and made friends even though it was very scary!
I spent three years working in a dying ministry to show college students there was more to college than being drunk.
I went to the Dr. and got put on depression and anxiety medication because I knew something was wrong. I was a sophomore in college.
I spent a summer working in Appalachia, the toughest thing I have ever done by far.
I told my parents that I got a speeding ticket with a mandatory court appearance (lots of tears).
I have said goodbye to two grandfathers and many other wonderful people I have known in my life and learned that it is brave to love because in loving you lose part of yourself but you get much more back.
I started a small business.
I survived three hospital stays for migraines and two surgeries.
I moved to the middle of nowhere for a job I had wanted my entire life.
I spent 3 years teaching children, many of whom did not speak English well, were involved in gang activity, drug use and came from low income situations.
I have traveled to Mexico countless times without being kidnapped or detained bt border control
I quit my job and gave notice on my apartment to follow a new adventure and dream to the big city.
When you add it to the list it doesn't seem so scary because all those other things worked out alright!
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
Acts 20:24
However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me - the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace.
I was reading this morning, thankful to have some quiet time to be able to reflect and think about what I was reading. I am so glad that I haven't given up on the Bible on one year project, it would have been so easy. There have been times that I have been a month behind but I have caught up and now I am so into it, even though I have read much of it before in pieces. Reading it in order like this is very much reading it for the first time and really seeing the sequence of events. The verse above from Acts is not a well known verse to me. I have studied acts before, I do believe I even led a study on it in college. But this morning in the quietness of house I was guided to this passage.
I have been really struggling with the upcoming move to Los Angeles. Not having a job yet terrifies me beyond any measure that I have ever known before. It constantly sits in the forefront of my brain, no matter what is going on around me. I have read two novels (not short ones) in the span of about 4 days trying to take my mind off of it, I have taken care of other matters. Sarah and I have our new insurance, we are very close to having new cell phones with GPS (so we won't get lost!) and I have been running errands for my mom, visiting her at work, helping out in the garden, around the house, cooking. But I still find myself checking my phone, e-mail, list servs, 100 times a day.
Everyone around me is so encouraging. They reassure me, they listen to me reason it through, they let me cry or yell. I have a great support system but ultimately it comes down to me and my belief in myself.
Not so long ago I had a strong unwavering faith in God and his son Jesus Christ. I could preach the gospel on a moments notice, lead small groups, I was a disciple of my God, proud to be a child studying His word and active in the mission to bring others closer to Him. That changed somewhere along the way. I strayed from the path, got further form the light. The books collected dust, the Sunday mornings became harder to do and I became lukewarm. The very person I had railed against many times.
Today when I read Acts 20:24 I realized that Paul was one of the most incredible people. He wasn't Jesus, he was a prophet. He was an ordinary man who had to get up everyday and make the conscious decision to do God's work, complete the task laid out for him.
My goal is small, not to be like Jesus, I need to work up to that. I want to be like Paul, a simple task. It only takes up on verse in the entire Bible. Really only half a verse - to testify to the gospel of God's grace. I can do that. I think it will help take my mind off the other stuff and help me focus on what I need to focus on. I learned a long time ago that if I focus on God the rest will come. How easy that is to forget in the midst of our busy lives.
Dear God your grace is the greatest gift because you give it everyday without question and without asking. Please remind my heart to live like Paul and celebrate your grace in the world. Amen.
I have been really struggling with the upcoming move to Los Angeles. Not having a job yet terrifies me beyond any measure that I have ever known before. It constantly sits in the forefront of my brain, no matter what is going on around me. I have read two novels (not short ones) in the span of about 4 days trying to take my mind off of it, I have taken care of other matters. Sarah and I have our new insurance, we are very close to having new cell phones with GPS (so we won't get lost!) and I have been running errands for my mom, visiting her at work, helping out in the garden, around the house, cooking. But I still find myself checking my phone, e-mail, list servs, 100 times a day.
Everyone around me is so encouraging. They reassure me, they listen to me reason it through, they let me cry or yell. I have a great support system but ultimately it comes down to me and my belief in myself.
Not so long ago I had a strong unwavering faith in God and his son Jesus Christ. I could preach the gospel on a moments notice, lead small groups, I was a disciple of my God, proud to be a child studying His word and active in the mission to bring others closer to Him. That changed somewhere along the way. I strayed from the path, got further form the light. The books collected dust, the Sunday mornings became harder to do and I became lukewarm. The very person I had railed against many times.
Today when I read Acts 20:24 I realized that Paul was one of the most incredible people. He wasn't Jesus, he was a prophet. He was an ordinary man who had to get up everyday and make the conscious decision to do God's work, complete the task laid out for him.
My goal is small, not to be like Jesus, I need to work up to that. I want to be like Paul, a simple task. It only takes up on verse in the entire Bible. Really only half a verse - to testify to the gospel of God's grace. I can do that. I think it will help take my mind off the other stuff and help me focus on what I need to focus on. I learned a long time ago that if I focus on God the rest will come. How easy that is to forget in the midst of our busy lives.
Dear God your grace is the greatest gift because you give it everyday without question and without asking. Please remind my heart to live like Paul and celebrate your grace in the world. Amen.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Fishing
I am on vacation. I like vacation, I don't like going on vacation but I like being there. The getting there part is stressful for me. I hate packing, taking too much, not enough, forgetting things, leaving your house for a while. It is all difficult for people on some level, for people like me it is very difficult. I get very anxious and tend to just put off packing and then just throw some stuff in and hope it works. So far so good.
We arrived safe and sound in Chicago and had a good appointment with Dr. Merle Diamond. She has been such a huge help these past few years and it is sad to say goodbye to her and the clinic but like she said, they are there if I need them. She recommenced a great doc in L.A. and is confident I will thrive in my new surroundings. I am glad someone is!
Now we are in Howell, have been for almost a week and have settled i nicely. I have done some gardening, reading, lots of sleeping and visited with friends and relatives. Mostly just tried to relax and take it easy. Although there was a gardening incident and I ended up walking like I was 95 years old for a few days because I couldn't bed over but I am on the mend now. Always something with me!
Today we are going to Kalamazoo to visit our friend Leslie who is having a baby next week, her second. It will be fun to see the town. It is weird though that we really don't know that many people there anymore.
It has been hard for me to relax with the no job thing hanging over my head. I have been searching the Internet as often as possible and trying to apply for as much as possible. I know I am doing all that I can and I have been talking to God about it a lot but my brain is having a hard time connecting to the trust that my heart has right now (not sure if that makes sense).
The house still seems kind of empty without brownie. Christmas was really busy so it was different but now, in the quiet moments of reading or just sitting with the windows open I look for her. I just expect her to come walking downstairs and jump up on the chair. Monday was the one year anniversary of the day we took her to the vet. We all still miss her very much, I know someday I want to have a kitty that has a permanent place in my life like Brownie did for me growing up.
My favorite thing about being home so far has been fishing. I haven't actually been fishing but we have taken to walking around the lake in the morning and there are always people fishing. It reminds me of when I was little and we would go up and fish there too. Right there in the cemetery. I loved to fish, my mom says that I would sit for long periods of time, quietly, just holding the pole and waiting. Which was quite a feat for me. The only times I was quiet as a child were when I was fishing and when I was in the time out chair.
The other morning I saw a young boy reel in a fish with his grandfather helping him. Please, have no delusions, these are teeny fish, that no one will eat. But it reminded me of fishing with my grandpa MacDonald on vacation one year at a cabin up north where we caught sunfish, it is the only time I can actually remember eating fish!
I hope everyone is enjoying their summers so far!!
We arrived safe and sound in Chicago and had a good appointment with Dr. Merle Diamond. She has been such a huge help these past few years and it is sad to say goodbye to her and the clinic but like she said, they are there if I need them. She recommenced a great doc in L.A. and is confident I will thrive in my new surroundings. I am glad someone is!
Now we are in Howell, have been for almost a week and have settled i nicely. I have done some gardening, reading, lots of sleeping and visited with friends and relatives. Mostly just tried to relax and take it easy. Although there was a gardening incident and I ended up walking like I was 95 years old for a few days because I couldn't bed over but I am on the mend now. Always something with me!
Today we are going to Kalamazoo to visit our friend Leslie who is having a baby next week, her second. It will be fun to see the town. It is weird though that we really don't know that many people there anymore.
It has been hard for me to relax with the no job thing hanging over my head. I have been searching the Internet as often as possible and trying to apply for as much as possible. I know I am doing all that I can and I have been talking to God about it a lot but my brain is having a hard time connecting to the trust that my heart has right now (not sure if that makes sense).
The house still seems kind of empty without brownie. Christmas was really busy so it was different but now, in the quiet moments of reading or just sitting with the windows open I look for her. I just expect her to come walking downstairs and jump up on the chair. Monday was the one year anniversary of the day we took her to the vet. We all still miss her very much, I know someday I want to have a kitty that has a permanent place in my life like Brownie did for me growing up.
My favorite thing about being home so far has been fishing. I haven't actually been fishing but we have taken to walking around the lake in the morning and there are always people fishing. It reminds me of when I was little and we would go up and fish there too. Right there in the cemetery. I loved to fish, my mom says that I would sit for long periods of time, quietly, just holding the pole and waiting. Which was quite a feat for me. The only times I was quiet as a child were when I was fishing and when I was in the time out chair.
The other morning I saw a young boy reel in a fish with his grandfather helping him. Please, have no delusions, these are teeny fish, that no one will eat. But it reminded me of fishing with my grandpa MacDonald on vacation one year at a cabin up north where we caught sunfish, it is the only time I can actually remember eating fish!
I hope everyone is enjoying their summers so far!!
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Things I Have Learned
My days here in Yuma are numbered as we are getting packed and ready to fly to Michigan and then the big move to Hollywood. No, I do not have a job yet and yes, I am alright with that. That's not what this blog is about. This blog is about my life over the last three years. I am going to make another list. Lists are really my forte. Sarah is the prose expert, I prefer the quick, to the point, no extra words needed, list format. So here are some things that living in Yuma, Arizona has taught me.
* The Mexican border is very different than the Canadian border
* Spanish is difficult to learn but you can get buy with a few basics including "I don't speak Spanish" "One moment please" "Hello" "Thank You" and being a teacher, knowing the cuss words helps too ;-)
* The world is bigger than I ever thought possible and my problems are very small compared to others.
* Authentic Mexican food is very different than fast food Mexican
* No teacher training program in the world could have prepared me for what I walked into at Crane Middle School.
* I love 7th graders, every hormone crazy, hyper-active, rule breaking, gangster and gangster-wannabe one of them.
* Trust yourself first. Always.
* Don't ever trust a 7th grader or the parent of one. Believe that they are trying and give them the benefit of the doubt but don't ever fully trust them.
* The pain of seeing someone you have spent time on, given part of yourself to, led away in handcuffs is very overwhelming and incredibly disappointing. Every time I have had a student arrested I have felt like I somehow let him or her down. True or not, that feeling takes a long time to go away.
* Find out quickly who you can trust and who you can't, it is surprisingly easy to do.
* Make friends with the cafeteria coordinator. Patti was a lifesaver to me on more than one occasion!
* Never be afraid to go to your boss - it is their job to take care of things. I have grown very bold in that area. I am known for busting into my boss' office and bringing things to her attention that otherwise would go overlooked because no one else would speak up.
* ASK. I have had to learn to ask for everything. No one gives you anything in education, if you want it ask for it, the worst they can say is no and they rarely do because people don't ask.
* The government has a terrible way of deporting people, I have seen it in person and it makes me sick.
* Military spouses are the strongest people I have ever met, ever. Even stronger than their spouses serving. Please don't take that wrong but I have seen the ugly, close up side of both worlds and it's not pretty. The toll that a tour of duty takes on people left behind is almost unbearable. It is not just the tour of duty either, the time away from families that being stationed here in the U.S. takes is just as bad and can be just as dangerous as serving over seas.
* Living alone is incredibly scary.
* Timezones are tricky to figure out, even if you have taken college math.
* Family is the most important thing in the world.
* Teaching full-time is more difficult than anyone can tell you it is going to be in college.
* Watching someone gets pantsed is not as fun now as it was as a 7th grader (everyone say eewwww).
* Indian food is good, sushi is not.
* 120 degrees is too hot for anyone, anywhere.
* Seat belts burn, badly, when it is over 105 degrees out.
* Dust storms are worse than rain storms because if you left your window open you have a whole house to clean.
* Shopping after a bad day is not a good idea but it makes you feel a whole lot better!
* Having a queen size bed is the best grown up decision I have made yet.
* Yuma, Arizona houses some of the kindest, most helpful, bravest, loving people I have ever met and will not soon forget.
This is not it, I could go on for days but then you would get bored, (if you even made it to the bottom!) I have enjoyed much of my time here, met incredible people and become a better teacher. There have been down days too, when I have wanted nothing more than to get on a plane and fly home as fast as I could. Lucky for me plane tickets are expensive and I don't make much money! To all my Yuman friends - I love you and will miss you. To those back home - See you next week and I hope it is cooler there than here!
* The Mexican border is very different than the Canadian border
* Spanish is difficult to learn but you can get buy with a few basics including "I don't speak Spanish" "One moment please" "Hello" "Thank You" and being a teacher, knowing the cuss words helps too ;-)
* The world is bigger than I ever thought possible and my problems are very small compared to others.
* Authentic Mexican food is very different than fast food Mexican
* No teacher training program in the world could have prepared me for what I walked into at Crane Middle School.
* I love 7th graders, every hormone crazy, hyper-active, rule breaking, gangster and gangster-wannabe one of them.
* Trust yourself first. Always.
* Don't ever trust a 7th grader or the parent of one. Believe that they are trying and give them the benefit of the doubt but don't ever fully trust them.
* The pain of seeing someone you have spent time on, given part of yourself to, led away in handcuffs is very overwhelming and incredibly disappointing. Every time I have had a student arrested I have felt like I somehow let him or her down. True or not, that feeling takes a long time to go away.
* Find out quickly who you can trust and who you can't, it is surprisingly easy to do.
* Make friends with the cafeteria coordinator. Patti was a lifesaver to me on more than one occasion!
* Never be afraid to go to your boss - it is their job to take care of things. I have grown very bold in that area. I am known for busting into my boss' office and bringing things to her attention that otherwise would go overlooked because no one else would speak up.
* ASK. I have had to learn to ask for everything. No one gives you anything in education, if you want it ask for it, the worst they can say is no and they rarely do because people don't ask.
* The government has a terrible way of deporting people, I have seen it in person and it makes me sick.
* Military spouses are the strongest people I have ever met, ever. Even stronger than their spouses serving. Please don't take that wrong but I have seen the ugly, close up side of both worlds and it's not pretty. The toll that a tour of duty takes on people left behind is almost unbearable. It is not just the tour of duty either, the time away from families that being stationed here in the U.S. takes is just as bad and can be just as dangerous as serving over seas.
* Living alone is incredibly scary.
* Timezones are tricky to figure out, even if you have taken college math.
* Family is the most important thing in the world.
* Teaching full-time is more difficult than anyone can tell you it is going to be in college.
* Watching someone gets pantsed is not as fun now as it was as a 7th grader (everyone say eewwww).
* Indian food is good, sushi is not.
* 120 degrees is too hot for anyone, anywhere.
* Seat belts burn, badly, when it is over 105 degrees out.
* Dust storms are worse than rain storms because if you left your window open you have a whole house to clean.
* Shopping after a bad day is not a good idea but it makes you feel a whole lot better!
* Having a queen size bed is the best grown up decision I have made yet.
* Yuma, Arizona houses some of the kindest, most helpful, bravest, loving people I have ever met and will not soon forget.
This is not it, I could go on for days but then you would get bored, (if you even made it to the bottom!) I have enjoyed much of my time here, met incredible people and become a better teacher. There have been down days too, when I have wanted nothing more than to get on a plane and fly home as fast as I could. Lucky for me plane tickets are expensive and I don't make much money! To all my Yuman friends - I love you and will miss you. To those back home - See you next week and I hope it is cooler there than here!
Next stop Hollywood Baby!
Happy Fathers Day Dad!
For 30 years Tom Knapp has been a father, a good one and here's why:
- He taught me how to play golf
- He let me follow him around outside and in the garage
- We built an airplane out of wood, from scratch, together once and he let me paint it hot pink!
- He and my grandpa built us a 2-story play house because we didn't have a tree for a tree house - Whenever we are in the car together alone he asks me what I want to do with my life and where I think I will end up. He's been asking since I can remember
- We have had lengthy discussions on what we will do when we win the lottery
- Everything is a we with him, never and I
- He has been known to sit in a mall for three or more hours waiting for us to shop and never said a word other than - did you find anything?
- He loves to talk to Sarah and I on the phone, about anything
- I can't think of one thing I have ever asked him to do that he has said no to
- He spanked me (good discipline is important in being a good parent!)
- He only yells when truly necessary
- He cries without apology or shame
- He loves to read and was a great role model for me because I love to read also
- He is great at crossword puzzles and trivia
- The only things he can't remember are the the things he was out of the country for ;-)
- He hides presents, really well
- He loves his job and always was able to take time off for school stuff when I was younger
- He kills big bugs and spiders
- He listens to me cry and always tries to make it better
- He drove an un-airconditioned u-haul across the country while I flew so I could have my stuff when I moved and he is going to do it again!
There is so much more, so many memories and times that my father has sacrificed his wants and needs to put mine or Sarah's first. Living with 3 girls for 30 years could not have been easy but he has done it with love and kindness and even though I am not in his presence today I know that my dad knows he is loved and thought of often.
- He taught me how to play golf
- He let me follow him around outside and in the garage
- We built an airplane out of wood, from scratch, together once and he let me paint it hot pink!
- He and my grandpa built us a 2-story play house because we didn't have a tree for a tree house - Whenever we are in the car together alone he asks me what I want to do with my life and where I think I will end up. He's been asking since I can remember
- We have had lengthy discussions on what we will do when we win the lottery
- Everything is a we with him, never and I
- He has been known to sit in a mall for three or more hours waiting for us to shop and never said a word other than - did you find anything?
- He loves to talk to Sarah and I on the phone, about anything
- I can't think of one thing I have ever asked him to do that he has said no to
- He spanked me (good discipline is important in being a good parent!)
- He only yells when truly necessary
- He cries without apology or shame
- He loves to read and was a great role model for me because I love to read also
- He is great at crossword puzzles and trivia
- The only things he can't remember are the the things he was out of the country for ;-)
- He hides presents, really well
- He loves his job and always was able to take time off for school stuff when I was younger
- He kills big bugs and spiders
- He listens to me cry and always tries to make it better
- He drove an un-airconditioned u-haul across the country while I flew so I could have my stuff when I moved and he is going to do it again!
There is so much more, so many memories and times that my father has sacrificed his wants and needs to put mine or Sarah's first. Living with 3 girls for 30 years could not have been easy but he has done it with love and kindness and even though I am not in his presence today I know that my dad knows he is loved and thought of often.
Happy Fathers day!
Saturday, June 07, 2008
Bittersweet
Three years ago I wouldn't have been able to say this but today I say it and mean it with my whole heart, I am sad to leave Yuma. YES, the afore mentioned surface of the sun, cockroach infested, 50th in the nation for public schools, 2000 miles from any family Yuma Arizona.
Last night we had a big bash at Lutes Casino (not a real casino) - the whole gang and some extras came out, the group thinned and we went to a an actual casino to see some of our co-workers band play. Shannon (moved to Tucson last year) stayed over and we spent all day today together, eating out, packing my classroom and watching movies. It was a good way to end the school year. We have 4 more actual school days and then we're out.
My room is mostly packed up I will finish tomorrow and be all out Thursday. It is hard for me to pack it all up and leave. It was my first school, my first career job, and my big move away from home. I only teared up twice today but I am sure there will be actual tears before the week is out. I am planning a blog before we move of moments to remember so I am collecting thoughts for that but it won't be for a while (I know you are all waiting anxiously. )
On a more focused notice, I am feeling better. I am so thankful to have the best doctors in the world working with me and on call when I need them. The stumbling block is going to be to find someone to replace my massage therapist in LA, Arcy is the best ever and I don't know if someone can match what she does.
I have been researching neurologists online in LA and it looks really promising. I am going to visit some before school starts and pick one out that I like. It sounds good to say that. I get to pick one instead of having to go to the only one in town!
Back to my fun weekend with Shannon!!!!
Last night we had a big bash at Lutes Casino (not a real casino) - the whole gang and some extras came out, the group thinned and we went to a an actual casino to see some of our co-workers band play. Shannon (moved to Tucson last year) stayed over and we spent all day today together, eating out, packing my classroom and watching movies. It was a good way to end the school year. We have 4 more actual school days and then we're out.
My room is mostly packed up I will finish tomorrow and be all out Thursday. It is hard for me to pack it all up and leave. It was my first school, my first career job, and my big move away from home. I only teared up twice today but I am sure there will be actual tears before the week is out. I am planning a blog before we move of moments to remember so I am collecting thoughts for that but it won't be for a while (I know you are all waiting anxiously. )
On a more focused notice, I am feeling better. I am so thankful to have the best doctors in the world working with me and on call when I need them. The stumbling block is going to be to find someone to replace my massage therapist in LA, Arcy is the best ever and I don't know if someone can match what she does.
I have been researching neurologists online in LA and it looks really promising. I am going to visit some before school starts and pick one out that I like. It sounds good to say that. I get to pick one instead of having to go to the only one in town!
Back to my fun weekend with Shannon!!!!
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
Long Time
It's been a while I know but life has taken over again, here's the lowdown on the last month.
- I had the stomach flu for four days: yuck!
- I have had some pretty fierce migraines (I have been home for two days avoiding the noise)
- I am trying to be patient, waiting for contract offers, it is hard to be patient with your future
- My parents celebrated their 35Th wedding anniversary this week by taking a long weekend away and we (Sarah, Julia and I) were able to surprise them with amenities in their hotel room!
- School ends next Thursday - bittersweet to leave my friends after three years but on to new adventures!
- The Mary Kay business has really taken off the last couple of weeks! I am going to stick it out for a while and see if I can't keep it up for some side cash in the future.
I know it doesn't seem like a lot but life has been incredibly hectic lately and being under the weather hasn't helped. I can't wait for summer vacation!!!!
What's new with everyone else?
- I had the stomach flu for four days: yuck!
- I have had some pretty fierce migraines (I have been home for two days avoiding the noise)
- I am trying to be patient, waiting for contract offers, it is hard to be patient with your future
- My parents celebrated their 35Th wedding anniversary this week by taking a long weekend away and we (Sarah, Julia and I) were able to surprise them with amenities in their hotel room!
- School ends next Thursday - bittersweet to leave my friends after three years but on to new adventures!
- The Mary Kay business has really taken off the last couple of weeks! I am going to stick it out for a while and see if I can't keep it up for some side cash in the future.
I know it doesn't seem like a lot but life has been incredibly hectic lately and being under the weather hasn't helped. I can't wait for summer vacation!!!!
What's new with everyone else?
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Happy Birthday Mom
My mother Christina Ann Macdonald Knapp was born on May 14th, 1949 to Don and Barb MacDonald, she was thier first child. I have heard many stories over the almost 28 years that I have known my mother and learned a great many things about her, here are some of the most memorable:
*She liked to play in the sandbox - naked (there are pictures to prove it!)
*She was grounded as a teenager a lot! Which is why she does not care for flowered wall paper, as she tells it, she counted flowers many times when sent to her room.
*She played field hockey.
*She has the same best friend today that she had in elementary school and they still live less than a mile from each other.
*She wanted to be a nurse when she was younger
*She worked incredibly hard to help her family through difficult times and put herself through college at Lansing Community College by working long hours as a cook and waitress.
*My mother met my father at a bar and did not pay much attention as her encounters with his older brother in the past had not gone well.
*They got married six short months later. (after which she learned my father was not a master skiier!)
*She took a government job so my dad could finish school and they could start a family, she never went back to her dream of managing a restaurant. She sacrificed for her family as many parents do.
*She was grounded as a teenager a lot! Which is why she does not care for flowered wall paper, as she tells it, she counted flowers many times when sent to her room.
*She played field hockey.
*She has the same best friend today that she had in elementary school and they still live less than a mile from each other.
*She wanted to be a nurse when she was younger
*She worked incredibly hard to help her family through difficult times and put herself through college at Lansing Community College by working long hours as a cook and waitress.
*My mother met my father at a bar and did not pay much attention as her encounters with his older brother in the past had not gone well.
*They got married six short months later. (after which she learned my father was not a master skiier!)
*She took a government job so my dad could finish school and they could start a family, she never went back to her dream of managing a restaurant. She sacrificed for her family as many parents do.
*My mom's favorite color is green and sometimes yellow
*Her favorite flower is the yellow rose
*She loves the beach, reading, hockey and basball.
*She will do anything for her family
*She cannot stand injustice and fights for what she believes in
*She is always the first one to volunteer to help when someone is in need, I cannot count the amount of times she has made food, bought clothes, given money, or her own time to help a person or family in need.
*She loves the beach, reading, hockey and basball.
*She will do anything for her family
*She cannot stand injustice and fights for what she believes in
*She is always the first one to volunteer to help when someone is in need, I cannot count the amount of times she has made food, bought clothes, given money, or her own time to help a person or family in need.
Happy Birthday Mom!
Wishing you a year full of happiness and love.
I love you.
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Esther Chapter 5
Yeah it's been a while. You have most likely forgotten my "crisis of faith" post from spring break. I have not, I have thought about it a lot. I have tried to sit down and write the resolution I promised several times but it was much more difficult than I anticipated. So here goes:
Esther 5: 9 says (paraphrase) Haman was so filled with rage and anger at Mordecai that he could not enjoy anything. All of his joy, even being invited to dinner at the palace was taken just by seeing Mordecai sitting by the city gates. He knew there was no way he could enjoy the dinner and complained to his wife and friends. They gave him advice to build gallows 75 feet high and ask the king to have him hanged. Haman was so excited about this he had the gallows built immediately and got ready for his dinner happily.
During the church service I was at in Texas the pastor told us that 75 feet was high enough to literally decapitate a person - not just kill them, but mutilate them - very gruesome. The point being made is that Haman was unhappy until he was able to know there was a punishment for the person he was angry with.
This made an impact on me. I don't want to be vengeful, I don't want to be out for revenge and be unhappy until I see a person punished. That is when it all came together.
I truly believe that we are put in a place, for a specific reason and God put me in Chris Osborne's congregation for a week to learn how to forgive and to remember what being a child of God means. It comes with a responsibility. A responsibility to keep working on understanding God's will and his purpose for our lives. It's not easy but those of us who work toward that end know that it is a walk on which we will never be alone and one we will never regret.
It wasn't until Easter Sunday that I realized how far I had wandered from the unwaivering faith of years past. I am working on finding it again.
It is not all resolved but I feel better than I have in a long time about faith, religion and the way I ended my years in college ministry. It took 6 years but I got there.
Esther 5: 9 says (paraphrase) Haman was so filled with rage and anger at Mordecai that he could not enjoy anything. All of his joy, even being invited to dinner at the palace was taken just by seeing Mordecai sitting by the city gates. He knew there was no way he could enjoy the dinner and complained to his wife and friends. They gave him advice to build gallows 75 feet high and ask the king to have him hanged. Haman was so excited about this he had the gallows built immediately and got ready for his dinner happily.
During the church service I was at in Texas the pastor told us that 75 feet was high enough to literally decapitate a person - not just kill them, but mutilate them - very gruesome. The point being made is that Haman was unhappy until he was able to know there was a punishment for the person he was angry with.
This made an impact on me. I don't want to be vengeful, I don't want to be out for revenge and be unhappy until I see a person punished. That is when it all came together.
I truly believe that we are put in a place, for a specific reason and God put me in Chris Osborne's congregation for a week to learn how to forgive and to remember what being a child of God means. It comes with a responsibility. A responsibility to keep working on understanding God's will and his purpose for our lives. It's not easy but those of us who work toward that end know that it is a walk on which we will never be alone and one we will never regret.
It wasn't until Easter Sunday that I realized how far I had wandered from the unwaivering faith of years past. I am working on finding it again.
It is not all resolved but I feel better than I have in a long time about faith, religion and the way I ended my years in college ministry. It took 6 years but I got there.
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Too Many Directions
Here's a quick update and then I have to roll yarn for the kids tomorrow, I know but the life of a teacher is interesting in many ways!
- I do not have a job yet, however I have an interview with a head hunting company on Thursday for private school placement.
- There are 26 days of school left and I cannot wait for it to be over
- Sarah got into UCLA so we are tres excited about that!!!!
- The kids are a bit out of control lately so that makes teaching difficult - on we go anyway.
- I get to go to Michigan soon!
Yeah, not much going on, there will be more once I have a job secured and we get an apartment rented. Until then it is stress, stress, stress.
- I do not have a job yet, however I have an interview with a head hunting company on Thursday for private school placement.
- There are 26 days of school left and I cannot wait for it to be over
- Sarah got into UCLA so we are tres excited about that!!!!
- The kids are a bit out of control lately so that makes teaching difficult - on we go anyway.
- I get to go to Michigan soon!
Yeah, not much going on, there will be more once I have a job secured and we get an apartment rented. Until then it is stress, stress, stress.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Quit My Day Job!
My students are working on a poetry unit. It is difficult because they have to put themselves out there and at this age they aren't as willing to do that as one might think. We write all different types and forms of poems including everyone's favorite - limericks! Every year I write an ode to my students, they usually get a kick out of it and this year was no exception. One group of students decided I should quit teaching and become a poet - apparently there's more money in it :-) I don't know know about that but I did have a teacher once who said that he would never ask us to do anything he wouldn't be willing to do and I try very hard to practice that with my students so here is part of my poetry project:
Ode to My Students
Oh how smart you are-
If only you could see
The potential locked inside
I push you to your limits
Hoping to one day unlock
The vault that lies within
You talk, laugh, and pass notes
Trying your best to drown me out
But my voice will not go away
You're tired of hearing sit down, quiet down
You're well aware life's not fair
And yet it doesn't seem to sink in...
I continue to teach because I believe
In you, my students
That one day the combination
We will find
To open up your minds!
Oh how smart you are-
If only you could see
The potential locked inside
I push you to your limits
Hoping to one day unlock
The vault that lies within
You talk, laugh, and pass notes
Trying your best to drown me out
But my voice will not go away
You're tired of hearing sit down, quiet down
You're well aware life's not fair
And yet it doesn't seem to sink in...
I continue to teach because I believe
In you, my students
That one day the combination
We will find
To open up your minds!
Sunday, April 06, 2008
Three...Yep....Three
On our trip we got dressed up Texas style for a night of dancing at the Hullabaloo to benefit an organization that does surgery on kids with cleft pallets. It was a crazy but fun night.
All in all the trip to Texas was fantastic including the 36 hours in the car. It is a good thing my sister and I get along so well, I know some siblings who wouldn't make it 2 hours in the car let alone 4 days :-) We did have one snafu however, but what is a road trip without at least one. The great state of Texas has very conscientious Public Safety Officers who wanted to give me a reminder that the speed limit in Western Texas is 80 mph, not 83 mph as my cruise control had snuck up to at one point. Needless to say I was very thankful (yeah, thankful) for the reminder and will be ever so careful to not let that happen again in the great state of Texas if I am to travel there again (which I may not seeing how I have yet to return to Kentucky).
All in all the trip to Texas was fantastic including the 36 hours in the car. It is a good thing my sister and I get along so well, I know some siblings who wouldn't make it 2 hours in the car let alone 4 days :-) We did have one snafu however, but what is a road trip without at least one. The great state of Texas has very conscientious Public Safety Officers who wanted to give me a reminder that the speed limit in Western Texas is 80 mph, not 83 mph as my cruise control had snuck up to at one point. Needless to say I was very thankful (yeah, thankful) for the reminder and will be ever so careful to not let that happen again in the great state of Texas if I am to travel there again (which I may not seeing how I have yet to return to Kentucky).
Friday, April 04, 2008
I Scream You Scream!
Touring the Blue Bell ice cream factory was tons of fun and the free sample helped too! Moo tracks is my favorite. I know Michiganders can't et Blue Bell, but of you ever get the chance, take it!
We hung out a lot, went on our annual cousins dinner, played with the kiddos and went to school with them! We watched several movies - I do not recommend "Michael Clayton" but "Why I got Married" Was great!
Crisis of Faith Part 1
This is part one of a series of blogs I will add over the next few days mixed in with vacation blogs. While I was in Texas I had an experience that I will not soon forget and one that I have not completely sorted out. This is something that has been 6 years in the making. I know it doesn't make sense to you yet but I beg you, stay with me, keep listening to me and please pray for me. This past week has been filled with anger, tears, and an incredible amount of eye opening for me.
Let me start from the beginning....
When I was in middle school I accepted Jesus Christ into my heart. I was at choir camp at Lake Huron Methodist Camp with friends and I couldn't stop crying during evening chapel. Having been raised in the church I knew what a momentous occasion this was. It is a vivid memory and a day that I will never forget. It was a day that changed my life, I was dedicated and I never looked back. I worked hard for God, I did volunteer work, I attended and taught Sunday school, I spent most of my free time at church, I followed the example set by those around me and I loved it. It was my path and I followed it with a glad heart.
Fast forward to January 16th, 2002. I went to work like any other day. I was working at the Wesley Foundation of Kalamazoo. I loved my job and it was like my second home because I never went home! I was a junior in college and I had it all, friends, a calling ( I wanted to attend seminary), a purpose everyday and joy in my heart. I walked into work that day and got a letter in my mailbox. It started with the words "Tearful Silence." 6 years later and I still have most of it memorized. I had to dig it out to get the date but not the words. At that moment my whole world fell out from under me. Our director, Pastor and friend was being reappointed to start a new church.
The following months were the most difficult that I have experienced. Saying goodbye, interviewing new candidates, keeping the ministry running, there was so much to do without letting on that my world was gone. So I ran away. At the time I would have told you that I believed I was called to work for God that summer and maybe I was but I ran away. I couldn't handle it. The pain was too much. The thoughts of what was to come was too much.
When I returned to a new director I told myself I trying to make it work and I was doing what had to be done. It was not my fault it didn't go well and the mistakes were his fault. He was messing up. He was making huge mistakes. He had bad sermons, he was the reason for bad turnout. I disagreed with his politics and his decisions and it was a terrible year for me. I was so angry. I was so convinced it was him. I was so angry at God. My friends agreed with me for the most part. But it was divided. I lost some good, God loving people that year that I truly miss. It didn't matter. I was right and he was wrong.
The Methodist Church was wrong to take away our friend, our leader. They made the mistake. I blamed everyone, I was filled with anger and sadness and I stopped doing my job. I still went through the motions but by January I couldn't do it. I couldn't even step foot inside the building.
Wednesday March 26, 2008 I attended the evening service at Central Baptist Church in College Station, Texas. I was not looking for anything. I was there too see Little Brick #1 sing on stage and that was it. After all it was a Baptist church, what could I possibly learn. (This is my horrible attitude regarding religion lately). How wrong I was. When I left that service I had so much to think about and pray about and a big decision to make.
The pastor had been taking the congregation through the Lord's prayer line by line each week. This week was Forgive those who have trespassed against you. He told us that we are not allowed to ask for forgiveness unless we forgive those who have wronged us first. He said much more than that but that was basically the message. I am not entitled to God's forgiveness until I forgive other people. At first I was like - ok no big deal. But then I got to thinking, have I forgiven everyone I should. My mind drifted back to the anger I still hold for the events of 6 years ago. I was still angry at the man who had come in and taken over. I was still harboring terrible feelings toward this man who I felt had wronged me and ruined what was such a happy time in my life.
After the service we sat and talked about it. I cried and got angry, I didn't want to stop being angry. He had wronged me. I had a right to be angry - didn't I? I was gently reminded my cousin and sister that I God wasn't giving me that right. Which made me sad and angry and cry more. It was a long night! I was consumed by thoughts of this. Was I really still angry? Was this a big deal? It was a lot to think about.
I will write more later and tell you how I have resolved these feelings so far. There is more to this story so please stay tuned.
Let me start from the beginning....
When I was in middle school I accepted Jesus Christ into my heart. I was at choir camp at Lake Huron Methodist Camp with friends and I couldn't stop crying during evening chapel. Having been raised in the church I knew what a momentous occasion this was. It is a vivid memory and a day that I will never forget. It was a day that changed my life, I was dedicated and I never looked back. I worked hard for God, I did volunteer work, I attended and taught Sunday school, I spent most of my free time at church, I followed the example set by those around me and I loved it. It was my path and I followed it with a glad heart.
Fast forward to January 16th, 2002. I went to work like any other day. I was working at the Wesley Foundation of Kalamazoo. I loved my job and it was like my second home because I never went home! I was a junior in college and I had it all, friends, a calling ( I wanted to attend seminary), a purpose everyday and joy in my heart. I walked into work that day and got a letter in my mailbox. It started with the words "Tearful Silence." 6 years later and I still have most of it memorized. I had to dig it out to get the date but not the words. At that moment my whole world fell out from under me. Our director, Pastor and friend was being reappointed to start a new church.
The following months were the most difficult that I have experienced. Saying goodbye, interviewing new candidates, keeping the ministry running, there was so much to do without letting on that my world was gone. So I ran away. At the time I would have told you that I believed I was called to work for God that summer and maybe I was but I ran away. I couldn't handle it. The pain was too much. The thoughts of what was to come was too much.
When I returned to a new director I told myself I trying to make it work and I was doing what had to be done. It was not my fault it didn't go well and the mistakes were his fault. He was messing up. He was making huge mistakes. He had bad sermons, he was the reason for bad turnout. I disagreed with his politics and his decisions and it was a terrible year for me. I was so angry. I was so convinced it was him. I was so angry at God. My friends agreed with me for the most part. But it was divided. I lost some good, God loving people that year that I truly miss. It didn't matter. I was right and he was wrong.
The Methodist Church was wrong to take away our friend, our leader. They made the mistake. I blamed everyone, I was filled with anger and sadness and I stopped doing my job. I still went through the motions but by January I couldn't do it. I couldn't even step foot inside the building.
Wednesday March 26, 2008 I attended the evening service at Central Baptist Church in College Station, Texas. I was not looking for anything. I was there too see Little Brick #1 sing on stage and that was it. After all it was a Baptist church, what could I possibly learn. (This is my horrible attitude regarding religion lately). How wrong I was. When I left that service I had so much to think about and pray about and a big decision to make.
The pastor had been taking the congregation through the Lord's prayer line by line each week. This week was Forgive those who have trespassed against you. He told us that we are not allowed to ask for forgiveness unless we forgive those who have wronged us first. He said much more than that but that was basically the message. I am not entitled to God's forgiveness until I forgive other people. At first I was like - ok no big deal. But then I got to thinking, have I forgiven everyone I should. My mind drifted back to the anger I still hold for the events of 6 years ago. I was still angry at the man who had come in and taken over. I was still harboring terrible feelings toward this man who I felt had wronged me and ruined what was such a happy time in my life.
After the service we sat and talked about it. I cried and got angry, I didn't want to stop being angry. He had wronged me. I had a right to be angry - didn't I? I was gently reminded my cousin and sister that I God wasn't giving me that right. Which made me sad and angry and cry more. It was a long night! I was consumed by thoughts of this. Was I really still angry? Was this a big deal? It was a lot to think about.
I will write more later and tell you how I have resolved these feelings so far. There is more to this story so please stay tuned.
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Easter Sunday 2008
Texas Spring Break!!!
This was a great Easter for me. It was the first time in years that I was able to be with family. three years ago I was in the hospital and the last two years I have been here. In Yuma. Sarah was here last year but this year we were able to drive (18 long hours) to Eastern Texas and spend our Spring Intercession with our cousin and her family. Easter is such an important holiday for Christians and it is hard not to celebrate with family.
I have lots to share about our trip, it's hard to know where to start. On Easter we went to church and then had lunch with Jamee's in-laws. We then got to take a nap, changed into our play clothes and had an egg hunt, played baseball and then played a fun dice game with the grown-ups called Farkle.
We Don't Own this Night (Part Deux)
It was recently brought to my attention that I never came back to tell you the outcome of what happened after our exciting evening. At school I talked with our school resource officer and he said he would look into it even though he had this little smile on his face. The smile that told me he thought I was over reacting and should not be worrying about this - he has been on the force many years and this is pretty low on his radar but since he is my friend he looked into it for me.
The official report from the Yuma Police Department was this: On the evening in question nothing happened. No calls were made to 911 or directly to the department. No police were dispatched to the complex for any official reason and no reports have been filed since. So nothing happened. Apparently we made it up. Maybe we do own the night after all....
In the interest of wrapping up other news, my student who had run away/was missing has been found. The day after I spoke with her mother the U.S. Marshalls located the man she was with and he gave up her location. She has been reunited with her family and we will be having a meeting Monday to determine the best course of action regarding her education and return to school. None of that really matters, she is safe with her family. This is one case of many that turned out good. So many don't, the relief was so great among the staff and students, I can't imagine someone that close to me missing for any length of time. She was gone for over ten days. It turns out the man she was with was 38 years old, she is 12. Incredibly scary. Thank you for your prayers.
The official report from the Yuma Police Department was this: On the evening in question nothing happened. No calls were made to 911 or directly to the department. No police were dispatched to the complex for any official reason and no reports have been filed since. So nothing happened. Apparently we made it up. Maybe we do own the night after all....
In the interest of wrapping up other news, my student who had run away/was missing has been found. The day after I spoke with her mother the U.S. Marshalls located the man she was with and he gave up her location. She has been reunited with her family and we will be having a meeting Monday to determine the best course of action regarding her education and return to school. None of that really matters, she is safe with her family. This is one case of many that turned out good. So many don't, the relief was so great among the staff and students, I can't imagine someone that close to me missing for any length of time. She was gone for over ten days. It turns out the man she was with was 38 years old, she is 12. Incredibly scary. Thank you for your prayers.
Friday, March 14, 2008
We Don't Own this Night
I went grocery shopping tonight. I agreed to go. I was not forced as is often the case. I am pretty gullible about it, Sarah will say "want to go to the mall?" and then on the way home we end up at Wal-Mart. This is not a joke. I really dislike the grocery store and on the way out to the car I saw a cat so I was a little distracted anyway.
So...Sarah is saying how she should have gotten a sitter for me since it was late but I was trying to be good. We did our shopping and $96 later headed for home. It was around 10 and we were just going home to finish some scrapbooking pages when all hell broke loose. As we got to our door (in our safe apartment complex, the safest in Yuma). Sarah was finding her keys, as I was irresponsible and forgot mine. I heard a noise, turned around and saw a policeman run at full speed out of a neighboring apartment with his gun drawn. I whispered to Sarah to get in the house now because something bad was happening and we ran in the house, threw the groceries and got out of the windows with the lights off.
I crawled to the living room window and peered out to see what was happening. The woman who lives in said apartment had run out after the policeman and had left her door wide open. They had run out of view so we remained in hiding. I drew the shades and we put the groceries away.
We heard lots of sirens and they stopped right at our area, Sarah saw an ambulance and cop cars pull up. I voted to walk the long way around to see what was happening but then we would still have been in the line of fire as Sarah rationally pointed out. The door has been open for sometime and a policeman just went back in and shut it tight.
We don't know what happened but we are praying for the family. A mom and her two kids live in the apartment. A small girl and late elementary aged boy. They have only been here about a month and the boy plays soccer and basketball outside our place constantly.
So...Sarah is saying how she should have gotten a sitter for me since it was late but I was trying to be good. We did our shopping and $96 later headed for home. It was around 10 and we were just going home to finish some scrapbooking pages when all hell broke loose. As we got to our door (in our safe apartment complex, the safest in Yuma). Sarah was finding her keys, as I was irresponsible and forgot mine. I heard a noise, turned around and saw a policeman run at full speed out of a neighboring apartment with his gun drawn. I whispered to Sarah to get in the house now because something bad was happening and we ran in the house, threw the groceries and got out of the windows with the lights off.
I crawled to the living room window and peered out to see what was happening. The woman who lives in said apartment had run out after the policeman and had left her door wide open. They had run out of view so we remained in hiding. I drew the shades and we put the groceries away.
We heard lots of sirens and they stopped right at our area, Sarah saw an ambulance and cop cars pull up. I voted to walk the long way around to see what was happening but then we would still have been in the line of fire as Sarah rationally pointed out. The door has been open for sometime and a policeman just went back in and shut it tight.
We don't know what happened but we are praying for the family. A mom and her two kids live in the apartment. A small girl and late elementary aged boy. They have only been here about a month and the boy plays soccer and basketball outside our place constantly.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Helpless or Hopeless?
I mentioned in my last blog that I was looking for a new career, I'm beginning to think I wasn't kidding myself. Yesterday I started the morning dealing with contacting parents of children who have failing grades for 3rd quarter. Report cards come out next week and we, the teachers, are not allowed to give an F unless the parent has been notified. Now, keep in mind this is not the first notification that I or many of the teachers have made. Each quarter is 9 or 10 weeks long and we all send progress reports home regularly, call or send notes in the student's planner. This particular phone call should not be a surprise. But inevitably it is and the parent is upset and wants to fix it but then I have to say it is too late in the game for that. I called 9 parents yesterday and I only have 57 students.
I was disappointed by the reactions, many of the parents have given up. As long as you are not suspending their child it's OK. They can deal with the failure academically, almost as if it is expected. Report card time is always like this. Some parents freak out but, sadly, most don't care. That will become apparent next week when we have parent-teacher conferences and the numbers of parents showing up go down like they always do.
While I was having students call and telling parents of their fate I came across one student who has been in my class since the beginning of January. He has ADHD and is in charge of taking his own medication every morning, as part of "taking responsibility" for his actions. Since his arrival we have had two parent meetings, one with the counselor, one with the vice-Principal and still this child comes to class with nothing. Not a piece of paper, a pencil, nothing. Yesterday when we talked about the failing grade I asked him of he was taking his meds. He said no. Alarm bells went off in my head. I then had my attention immediately split in two. I was teaching my class and trying to figure out why a 12 year old is required to worry about the fact that his medication ran out and there is no refill for it. He had been out for 6 days.
Fast forward to lunch time. I asked an innocent question regarding a student who has ditched a couple of times to see if her absences had been excused for the past two days. I needed to call mom regarding her grade. I was told to talk to the school resource officer (the police). The officer sets me down and tells me that she is missing. Yep, one of my students ran away from home Sunday and hasn't been seen since. Evidently her 29 year old ex-boyfriend is also MIA. Now my brain is divided into 3 parts. My brain doesn't handle this new split well and I get a little cranky.
I called my mom and dad as soon as I got home and told them what had happened because I just need to hear them say it is going to be OK sometimes. My mom said "you must feel so hopeless, I mean helpless"
Yes, I do feel helpless. There is nothing I can do.
I can't take a child to the Dr. get the meds and make sure he takes them, I can't find a 12 year old run away any better than the police can and I can't make pre-teens stop having sex (we had a pregnancy scare recently also). So while I do feel helpless, I can't help but feel a little hopeless too. Next week we are having big fundraisers for an 8Th grader at school who is going through treatments for cancer and we have had 4 kids kicked out for drugs in the last month.
I know that I am a positive influence, as I was told yesterday, my heart is 18 sizes too big! But today it just hurts and hurts until I think it can't hurt anymore. I am scared and angry and have no idea what to do. These kids are not kids. They don't know how to be. When did that change? When did kids turn into little adults bringing their Starbucks to school with the grown up problems to go with it and making their own rules along the way.
I'm not so sure my mom was wrong, I do feel pretty hopeless.
Thankfully my jury duty was cancelled for today and I was able to have golf practice today which was great. It was nice to be outside and the kids were great.
Please pray for my run-away student and her family. It is a very serious situation that I can't go into detail about but each day that goes by is scarier than before.
I was disappointed by the reactions, many of the parents have given up. As long as you are not suspending their child it's OK. They can deal with the failure academically, almost as if it is expected. Report card time is always like this. Some parents freak out but, sadly, most don't care. That will become apparent next week when we have parent-teacher conferences and the numbers of parents showing up go down like they always do.
While I was having students call and telling parents of their fate I came across one student who has been in my class since the beginning of January. He has ADHD and is in charge of taking his own medication every morning, as part of "taking responsibility" for his actions. Since his arrival we have had two parent meetings, one with the counselor, one with the vice-Principal and still this child comes to class with nothing. Not a piece of paper, a pencil, nothing. Yesterday when we talked about the failing grade I asked him of he was taking his meds. He said no. Alarm bells went off in my head. I then had my attention immediately split in two. I was teaching my class and trying to figure out why a 12 year old is required to worry about the fact that his medication ran out and there is no refill for it. He had been out for 6 days.
Fast forward to lunch time. I asked an innocent question regarding a student who has ditched a couple of times to see if her absences had been excused for the past two days. I needed to call mom regarding her grade. I was told to talk to the school resource officer (the police). The officer sets me down and tells me that she is missing. Yep, one of my students ran away from home Sunday and hasn't been seen since. Evidently her 29 year old ex-boyfriend is also MIA. Now my brain is divided into 3 parts. My brain doesn't handle this new split well and I get a little cranky.
I called my mom and dad as soon as I got home and told them what had happened because I just need to hear them say it is going to be OK sometimes. My mom said "you must feel so hopeless, I mean helpless"
Yes, I do feel helpless. There is nothing I can do.
I can't take a child to the Dr. get the meds and make sure he takes them, I can't find a 12 year old run away any better than the police can and I can't make pre-teens stop having sex (we had a pregnancy scare recently also). So while I do feel helpless, I can't help but feel a little hopeless too. Next week we are having big fundraisers for an 8Th grader at school who is going through treatments for cancer and we have had 4 kids kicked out for drugs in the last month.
I know that I am a positive influence, as I was told yesterday, my heart is 18 sizes too big! But today it just hurts and hurts until I think it can't hurt anymore. I am scared and angry and have no idea what to do. These kids are not kids. They don't know how to be. When did that change? When did kids turn into little adults bringing their Starbucks to school with the grown up problems to go with it and making their own rules along the way.
I'm not so sure my mom was wrong, I do feel pretty hopeless.
Thankfully my jury duty was cancelled for today and I was able to have golf practice today which was great. It was nice to be outside and the kids were great.
Please pray for my run-away student and her family. It is a very serious situation that I can't go into detail about but each day that goes by is scarier than before.
Monday, March 10, 2008
My Crazy Life
I wish I blogged more than I do but to be honest there isn't that much happening that constitutes an entire blog so I will to a synopsis for you.
- Two weeks ago I had a disappointing evaluation from one of the VP's at school. So bad in fact it got me thinking about alternate career opportunities the upcoming job may afford me. Let's jsut say I am not qualified to do much else!
- Fast forward a week to school wide evaluation. We all get evaluated on the same day and are compared to every school in the county. No, no pressure at all. Sarah and I spent hours of our weekend preparing a lesson that would be perfect, the evaluators saw maybe the first 1/8th of it but it was great and I impressed the powers that be. unfortunately that may have been the trigger for a migraine.
- Wednesday of last week, actually walked out of my class. Abandoned my children, without even telling them I was leaving because I was so sick. I got someone to cover my 6th period and I passed out in the nurses office. No one bothered to check on me or my class for 7th period until Sarah found my kids working alone with no adult. Thank God they didn't run away or start a fire or something.
- Wednesday afternoon, got myself together long enough to have first golf practice with 40 children and then passed out until Friday. I don't remember much of Thursday, except that I woke up a couple of times to inject medication.
- Saturday got hi-lites. that was fun and cruised the mall, mostly window shopping. No work this weekend.
- Sunday we cleaned the house which was much needed after the crazy winds have brought all the desert in the house.
All of this while still getting the kids ready for AIMS and trying to keep them from getting distracted from Spring Break (9 days and counting!). Job hunt continues, lots of possibilities but still hard to narrow down with Sarah's applications pending.
I have jury duty starting Wednesday, can't wait for that ;-( I hope I get dismissed. And we are trying to get our plans straight to go to Texas to visit the Brick House for Easter. And yes to the little Bricks, we did ask our parents if we could stay over!
That's what's been going on here in the desert. I will keep you posted.
- Two weeks ago I had a disappointing evaluation from one of the VP's at school. So bad in fact it got me thinking about alternate career opportunities the upcoming job may afford me. Let's jsut say I am not qualified to do much else!
- Fast forward a week to school wide evaluation. We all get evaluated on the same day and are compared to every school in the county. No, no pressure at all. Sarah and I spent hours of our weekend preparing a lesson that would be perfect, the evaluators saw maybe the first 1/8th of it but it was great and I impressed the powers that be. unfortunately that may have been the trigger for a migraine.
- Wednesday of last week, actually walked out of my class. Abandoned my children, without even telling them I was leaving because I was so sick. I got someone to cover my 6th period and I passed out in the nurses office. No one bothered to check on me or my class for 7th period until Sarah found my kids working alone with no adult. Thank God they didn't run away or start a fire or something.
- Wednesday afternoon, got myself together long enough to have first golf practice with 40 children and then passed out until Friday. I don't remember much of Thursday, except that I woke up a couple of times to inject medication.
- Saturday got hi-lites. that was fun and cruised the mall, mostly window shopping. No work this weekend.
- Sunday we cleaned the house which was much needed after the crazy winds have brought all the desert in the house.
All of this while still getting the kids ready for AIMS and trying to keep them from getting distracted from Spring Break (9 days and counting!). Job hunt continues, lots of possibilities but still hard to narrow down with Sarah's applications pending.
I have jury duty starting Wednesday, can't wait for that ;-( I hope I get dismissed. And we are trying to get our plans straight to go to Texas to visit the Brick House for Easter. And yes to the little Bricks, we did ask our parents if we could stay over!
That's what's been going on here in the desert. I will keep you posted.
Saturday, March 01, 2008
Fight Club!
For any of you that have seen the movie fight club, you know rule #1 is that you don't talk about fight club. Well that's not how Ms. Knapp plays it. Some of our kids decided to have their own version of fight club in the bathroom this week at school. Friends fighting, just to see who could beat each other up. All in all there were about 15 kids involved.
Yesterday one of our incredibly smart (note the sarcasm) 8Th graders decided to ditch and because she didn't want to get into trouble got into a car with a stranger, that's right a stranger. I don't know all of the events that played out, as I came in on the tail end but I do know that she is safe now but was missing for about 4 hours yesterday.
Sarah and I decided to go to the movies last night. We don't go very often for two reasons, it is expensive and there are bound to be students there. We sucked it up and went to the mall which has a little added pressure now because of the February 14Th fatal shooting of an eighteen year old gang member right outside the theatres. We got there early and walked around a bit, window shopping and taking in the sights. We were spotted and pointed out loudly by one group of students and were not surprised to see 2 police cruisers parked in front of the theaters and the cops doing foot patrols with mall security. It has only been two weeks but that hasn't deterred anyone from being out and about. The place was packed with teens, families, Marines, everyone. The gangs were out in force showing colors and marking territory but thankfully nothing has happened in a public place since the last incident. I think we are more aware because of our work in the schools than most people who are just out to eat and shopping.
We saw Fools Gold, it was a cute movie. I laughed, which I needed after a not so good week. I have been summonsed to jury duty so I will keep you posted on that. I guess I better get up now and get the weekend chores started.
Yesterday one of our incredibly smart (note the sarcasm) 8Th graders decided to ditch and because she didn't want to get into trouble got into a car with a stranger, that's right a stranger. I don't know all of the events that played out, as I came in on the tail end but I do know that she is safe now but was missing for about 4 hours yesterday.
Sarah and I decided to go to the movies last night. We don't go very often for two reasons, it is expensive and there are bound to be students there. We sucked it up and went to the mall which has a little added pressure now because of the February 14Th fatal shooting of an eighteen year old gang member right outside the theatres. We got there early and walked around a bit, window shopping and taking in the sights. We were spotted and pointed out loudly by one group of students and were not surprised to see 2 police cruisers parked in front of the theaters and the cops doing foot patrols with mall security. It has only been two weeks but that hasn't deterred anyone from being out and about. The place was packed with teens, families, Marines, everyone. The gangs were out in force showing colors and marking territory but thankfully nothing has happened in a public place since the last incident. I think we are more aware because of our work in the schools than most people who are just out to eat and shopping.
We saw Fools Gold, it was a cute movie. I laughed, which I needed after a not so good week. I have been summonsed to jury duty so I will keep you posted on that. I guess I better get up now and get the weekend chores started.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Map
I got a map. And then I hung it on the wall. My intention is to put pins in it to represent the schools Sarah has applied to and then the ones I want to apply to. I am hoping that this visual will get me motivated. It doesn't seem quite real yet. I have told everyone that I am moving, I have signed the resignation papers at work and I have started cleaning things out to limit the items to move.
But it still didn't seem real. Thus the map. Los Angeles is big. I mean really BIG. So applying for a job has to be very strategic. I have to make sure I don't have to commute because of all the traffic problems that plague the city, I don't think I could handle that. But we also have to be close to the school that Sarah will attend and since that is still a mystery... I am plotting points on the map.
So far it is making me feel better to make little flags for my push pins. I am pretty close to having my California teaching certificate and I joined a teaching network that is advertising over one hundred jobs in the LA area. For this early in the hiring season that is tremendous. I am pretty excited to see the salary ranges too, I will be moving up quite a bit which will compensate the rent increase.
There is still plenty to be done before moving can even be discussed. I will have my final formal evaluation this week and then next Monday our school will have the last walk throughs of the year. Spring break is coming up with a trip to Texas in the works! Then the AIMS tests for the kids - a very stressful for them and us. And then a few weeks of panicked apartment hunting and job interviews before we fly home for a quick visit and say farewell to Yuma.
Right now it is off to bed, Monday is coming to soon.
But it still didn't seem real. Thus the map. Los Angeles is big. I mean really BIG. So applying for a job has to be very strategic. I have to make sure I don't have to commute because of all the traffic problems that plague the city, I don't think I could handle that. But we also have to be close to the school that Sarah will attend and since that is still a mystery... I am plotting points on the map.
So far it is making me feel better to make little flags for my push pins. I am pretty close to having my California teaching certificate and I joined a teaching network that is advertising over one hundred jobs in the LA area. For this early in the hiring season that is tremendous. I am pretty excited to see the salary ranges too, I will be moving up quite a bit which will compensate the rent increase.
There is still plenty to be done before moving can even be discussed. I will have my final formal evaluation this week and then next Monday our school will have the last walk throughs of the year. Spring break is coming up with a trip to Texas in the works! Then the AIMS tests for the kids - a very stressful for them and us. And then a few weeks of panicked apartment hunting and job interviews before we fly home for a quick visit and say farewell to Yuma.
Right now it is off to bed, Monday is coming to soon.
Monday, February 04, 2008
The Dome
As you drive into Yuma you will see, just off the highway, this dome. At first glance it appears to be just an odd shaped building but as Sarah and I learned when we took the annual Dome House tour it is so much more.It is a monolithic dome (which are fairly well know around the world) and is huge inside. It is incredibly eco-friendly and just plain fun. There are 8 suites, one full sized kitchen, a three story atrium and a gym/computer room. Each suite has a living area, a bedroom, a kitchenette, washer and dryer, bathroom with shower and jacuzzi tub and the two lower floors have outside entrances. The third floor has a fire escape only.
In this particular dome lives a family. A big family. There is a grandma, two sisters, their husbands, two granddaughters, one great - grandson, one fiancee and one adopted family member. The family members that we spoke to said it is almost like living in a big apartment building. They don't see each other much during the week because everyone is so busy with work and school and such. On the weekend they have one big family meal together to catch everyone up with all that's gone on. They seemed like one big happy family.
all three stories
the atrium
the ponds put moisture back into the air that the dome takes out
it's very tall!
hard to clean windows :-)
Sunday, February 03, 2008
What a Week!
Last week was a week! I hope this week goes better. Part of my job is to be a child advocate. I take that very seriously, sometimes a little too seriously. The last few months one of my kids has been bullying some of the other kids. He is good friends with one of Sarah's kids. There are three of them all together who form this little gang and go around trying to start fights, picking on kids who don't fight back and generally making my life difficult.
Long story short I have spent a lot of time writing referrals, calling parents, talking to kids and administration and trying to stop these kids from making mistakes. It finally came to a head this week and we sent the two biggest bullies to our alternative placement program. They go for a minimum of 30 days, a maximum of 60 and usually 45. When the decision was made I was relieved to know that the problems would end. That my kids being bullied would no longer have to walk down the halls in fear or be constantly called horrible names.
After school I went to the office and my student who was being sent to the alternative program was waiting for his mom so my boss told me to go in and talk with him. I tried to get through to him about his choices. I was desperately trying to get him to see that he was making bad choices and that he was better than that. I was okay until he teared up. Then I teared up and then I had to leave the room.
That always happens. I get so angry at the kids who make the bad choices and work so hard to get them the consequences they deserve which I see is in their best interest and then when it actually happens I am filled with remorse and guilt. I think when it comes right down too it I feel like a failure. I couldn't fix this child. I had 6 1/2 months with him and I couldn't make it right. Now, realistically I know you can't undo 12 years in a few months but it still feels like failure.
I know that tomorrow I will go to work, see that empty desk and feel sadness. But I know that I am still a child advocate and I couldn't change those circumstances but there are still 57 kids and many more months to go. So I choose to be optimistic.
Long story short I have spent a lot of time writing referrals, calling parents, talking to kids and administration and trying to stop these kids from making mistakes. It finally came to a head this week and we sent the two biggest bullies to our alternative placement program. They go for a minimum of 30 days, a maximum of 60 and usually 45. When the decision was made I was relieved to know that the problems would end. That my kids being bullied would no longer have to walk down the halls in fear or be constantly called horrible names.
After school I went to the office and my student who was being sent to the alternative program was waiting for his mom so my boss told me to go in and talk with him. I tried to get through to him about his choices. I was desperately trying to get him to see that he was making bad choices and that he was better than that. I was okay until he teared up. Then I teared up and then I had to leave the room.
That always happens. I get so angry at the kids who make the bad choices and work so hard to get them the consequences they deserve which I see is in their best interest and then when it actually happens I am filled with remorse and guilt. I think when it comes right down too it I feel like a failure. I couldn't fix this child. I had 6 1/2 months with him and I couldn't make it right. Now, realistically I know you can't undo 12 years in a few months but it still feels like failure.
I know that tomorrow I will go to work, see that empty desk and feel sadness. But I know that I am still a child advocate and I couldn't change those circumstances but there are still 57 kids and many more months to go. So I choose to be optimistic.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
I am in a cycle again. I was doing really well for a while with the migraines and it seems like jsut when I get comfortable with everything something happens. I got sick in August and had a sinus infection which somehow set off my blood pressure medicine. This has turned into a downward spiral I can't seem to get out of. I can no longer take the blood pressure meds therefore I am getting headaches again. A lot. It sucks (sorry mom, I know you don't like that word). The docs in chicago are trying to help but it is a cycle I can feel it. Sometimes they last for months with no explanations. I am trying hard to keep going. I know I complain to Sarah too much but thankfully she just pats me on the head and tells me to go to bed. I am trying to stay active though because if I don't they get worse. Today even though I skipped the gym I did a walk around the block and made dinner.
I was proud of my kids today. We had our second quarter spell off between Sarah's kids and mine and even though we lost 2 - 1 my kids tried so hard and lasted a long time, it was great. They really got into it this time and focused on actually spelling instead of worrying about winning. They have hit the mid-year grow up stage. It is such a neat age to see them blossom at. Keep in mind that while I write this today, tomorrow will be a whole different story!
I was proud of my kids today. We had our second quarter spell off between Sarah's kids and mine and even though we lost 2 - 1 my kids tried so hard and lasted a long time, it was great. They really got into it this time and focused on actually spelling instead of worrying about winning. They have hit the mid-year grow up stage. It is such a neat age to see them blossom at. Keep in mind that while I write this today, tomorrow will be a whole different story!
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Lasagna is a Success!
One of my new year resolutions was to learn how to cook correctly. I have been making dinner more regularly and working on small things but tonight was the big recipe. Sarah and I picked out a new recipe. Chicken and spinach lasagna. We went to the store and got all the ingredients we needed. Then we came home, put it all together and in true new recipe fashion ate it three hours later. But it was fantastic! We loved it and it was so pretty, pretty as a picture. On to the next new recipe.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
One Two Cha Cha Cha
I am going through a phase, at least I hope it is a phase. I seem to be taking one step forward and two steps backward in everything. Much like the Cha Cha! It all started when I went back to work last week, I told myself things were going to be different, this was it, the big year. I was starting the big job hunt and this time I was writing the ticket - not settling for the first offer. I was going to pay down some debt, I was going to lose the weight I had put back on. Mostly so my interview suit would fit correctly again :-) Things went well for about 8 hours.
As I am prone to anxiety and depression I always have to check myself and say, "self, is it really this bad or are you making it worse than it has to be" Unfortunately this time I wasn't the problem. I seemed to have run into this streak of bad luck and can't get out. A friend passed away, I got stuck on the way home one night because my tire was shredded (money!), the kids ae acting out, my checkbooks in the red, I actually woke up yesterday at the time I was supposed to be at work, I have a sweet tooth that won't quit and my headaches are back pretty full force.
I know I am whining a bit but it's my blog after all so sorry. While all this is going on I am trying to plan several trips and spend time with friends and get my kids excited about a novel and find my dream teaching job - all happy things but the other stuff keeps getting in the way.
I don't know why but I thought once I got back into reading the Bible and focusing on God things would get better. Maybe I was expecting a miracle, I don't know. I guess I fell into the trap of asking God for what I wanted instead listening to what God wants for me. I know the difference, I have taught it to others many times but with faith it is always about learning and relearning. Baby steps.
Tomorrow I start again. Baby steps. I will start with a positive attitude and
try not to let the negatives in. I know for some people it is easy to do that. For me having a predisposition to the depression stuff I tend to be more of a pessimist and I don't like using that as an excuse but when it comes right down to it there is a chemical imbalance in my brain that I struggle with on a daily basis. The hardest part is knowing that as much as I struggle with those close to me also have to struggle with it.
Please pray for me. And hope this really is just a phase.
As I am prone to anxiety and depression I always have to check myself and say, "self, is it really this bad or are you making it worse than it has to be" Unfortunately this time I wasn't the problem. I seemed to have run into this streak of bad luck and can't get out. A friend passed away, I got stuck on the way home one night because my tire was shredded (money!), the kids ae acting out, my checkbooks in the red, I actually woke up yesterday at the time I was supposed to be at work, I have a sweet tooth that won't quit and my headaches are back pretty full force.
I know I am whining a bit but it's my blog after all so sorry. While all this is going on I am trying to plan several trips and spend time with friends and get my kids excited about a novel and find my dream teaching job - all happy things but the other stuff keeps getting in the way.
I don't know why but I thought once I got back into reading the Bible and focusing on God things would get better. Maybe I was expecting a miracle, I don't know. I guess I fell into the trap of asking God for what I wanted instead listening to what God wants for me. I know the difference, I have taught it to others many times but with faith it is always about learning and relearning. Baby steps.
Tomorrow I start again. Baby steps. I will start with a positive attitude and
try not to let the negatives in. I know for some people it is easy to do that. For me having a predisposition to the depression stuff I tend to be more of a pessimist and I don't like using that as an excuse but when it comes right down to it there is a chemical imbalance in my brain that I struggle with on a daily basis. The hardest part is knowing that as much as I struggle with those close to me also have to struggle with it.
Please pray for me. And hope this really is just a phase.
Monday, January 07, 2008
Sadness
This was going to be a blog about my day. I was going to tell you that I had to get up extra early to go to work because I didn't really know what I was going to have the kids do. Then I was going to complain about how I had to get used to not going to the bathroom whenever I wanted and how easy it was to forget that pre-teens talk A LOT! Then there was this letter about me boycotting my department meetings for the rest of the year because of the person in charge (which my boss took extremely well). Basically I was going to complain about my day.
Instead I want to share with you that when we came home from work there was a message that a college friend, Kyle Sonneman, had passed away on Saturday. We don't know any details really. Only that it was unexpected and that there is a service on Wednesday in Traverse City. Kyle was a youth pastor, he moved to Traverse City shortly before I moved to Yuma. He was a very funny guy, loved to make everyone laugh and always wanted to have parties!
Suddenly all the other stuff went away, like it always does when I need to be centered. God has this amazing way of shifting priorities around to his way. I had started to depend less and less on that but now that I am back in the Word daily my memory is less and less fuzzy. I am starting to feel centered again.
Kyle had a passion for Christ and he attracted others with his warmth and kindness. His calling was a perfect fit as he was a big kid at heart. Kyle - I will miss you.
Instead I want to share with you that when we came home from work there was a message that a college friend, Kyle Sonneman, had passed away on Saturday. We don't know any details really. Only that it was unexpected and that there is a service on Wednesday in Traverse City. Kyle was a youth pastor, he moved to Traverse City shortly before I moved to Yuma. He was a very funny guy, loved to make everyone laugh and always wanted to have parties!
Suddenly all the other stuff went away, like it always does when I need to be centered. God has this amazing way of shifting priorities around to his way. I had started to depend less and less on that but now that I am back in the Word daily my memory is less and less fuzzy. I am starting to feel centered again.
Kyle had a passion for Christ and he attracted others with his warmth and kindness. His calling was a perfect fit as he was a big kid at heart. Kyle - I will miss you.
Saturday, January 05, 2008
Count Down!
This is the count down, a few more months in Yuma and on to the next adventure. I said when I came I wold stay three years and I am not staying one day extra! I have met some incredible people here and have learned tons about teaching but I am ready to move to a city with more than 4 restaurants and 5 stores!
More to come later but right now I have to get up and unpack from the three weeks of being in the arctic otherwise known as Michigan and get ready to see Arcy, the massage therapist to beat all!
More to come later but right now I have to get up and unpack from the three weeks of being in the arctic otherwise known as Michigan and get ready to see Arcy, the massage therapist to beat all!
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