I am in a cycle again. I was doing really well for a while with the migraines and it seems like jsut when I get comfortable with everything something happens. I got sick in August and had a sinus infection which somehow set off my blood pressure medicine. This has turned into a downward spiral I can't seem to get out of. I can no longer take the blood pressure meds therefore I am getting headaches again. A lot. It sucks (sorry mom, I know you don't like that word). The docs in chicago are trying to help but it is a cycle I can feel it. Sometimes they last for months with no explanations. I am trying hard to keep going. I know I complain to Sarah too much but thankfully she just pats me on the head and tells me to go to bed. I am trying to stay active though because if I don't they get worse. Today even though I skipped the gym I did a walk around the block and made dinner.

I was proud of my kids today. We had our second quarter spell off between Sarah's kids and mine and even though we lost 2 - 1 my kids tried so hard and lasted a long time, it was great. They really got into it this time and focused on actually spelling instead of worrying about winning. They have hit the mid-year grow up stage. It is such a neat age to see them blossom at. Keep in mind that while I write this today, tomorrow will be a whole different story!

Lasagna is a Success!

One of my new year resolutions was to learn how to cook correctly. I have been making dinner more regularly and working on small things but tonight was the big recipe. Sarah and I picked out a new recipe. Chicken and spinach lasagna. We went to the store and got all the ingredients we needed. Then we came home, put it all together and in true new recipe fashion ate it three hours later. But it was fantastic! We loved it and it was so pretty, pretty as a picture. On to the next new recipe.

One Two Cha Cha Cha

I am going through a phase, at least I hope it is a phase. I seem to be taking one step forward and two steps backward in everything. Much like the Cha Cha! It all started when I went back to work last week, I told myself things were going to be different, this was it, the big year. I was starting the big job hunt and this time I was writing the ticket - not settling for the first offer. I was going to pay down some debt, I was going to lose the weight I had put back on. Mostly so my interview suit would fit correctly again :-) Things went well for about 8 hours.

As I am prone to anxiety and depression I always have to check myself and say, "self, is it really this bad or are you making it worse than it has to be" Unfortunately this time I wasn't the problem. I seemed to have run into this streak of bad luck and can't get out. A friend passed away, I got stuck on the way home one night because my tire was shredded (money!), the kids ae acting out, my checkbooks in the red, I actually woke up yesterday at the time I was supposed to be at work, I have a sweet tooth that won't quit and my headaches are back pretty full force.

I know I am whining a bit but it's my blog after all so sorry. While all this is going on I am trying to plan several trips and spend time with friends and get my kids excited about a novel and find my dream teaching job - all happy things but the other stuff keeps getting in the way.

I don't know why but I thought once I got back into reading the Bible and focusing on God things would get better. Maybe I was expecting a miracle, I don't know. I guess I fell into the trap of asking God for what I wanted instead listening to what God wants for me. I know the difference, I have taught it to others many times but with faith it is always about learning and relearning. Baby steps.

Tomorrow I start again. Baby steps. I will start with a positive attitude and
try not to let the negatives in. I know for some people it is easy to do that. For me having a predisposition to the depression stuff I tend to be more of a pessimist and I don't like using that as an excuse but when it comes right down to it there is a chemical imbalance in my brain that I struggle with on a daily basis. The hardest part is knowing that as much as I struggle with those close to me also have to struggle with it.

Please pray for me. And hope this really is just a phase.

Sadness

This was going to be a blog about my day. I was going to tell you that I had to get up extra early to go to work because I didn't really know what I was going to have the kids do. Then I was going to complain about how I had to get used to not going to the bathroom whenever I wanted and how easy it was to forget that pre-teens talk A LOT! Then there was this letter about me boycotting my department meetings for the rest of the year because of the person in charge (which my boss took extremely well). Basically I was going to complain about my day.

Instead I want to share with you that when we came home from work there was a message that a college friend, Kyle Sonneman, had passed away on Saturday. We don't know any details really. Only that it was unexpected and that there is a service on Wednesday in Traverse City. Kyle was a youth pastor, he moved to Traverse City shortly before I moved to Yuma. He was a very funny guy, loved to make everyone laugh and always wanted to have parties!

Suddenly all the other stuff went away, like it always does when I need to be centered. God has this amazing way of shifting priorities around to his way. I had started to depend less and less on that but now that I am back in the Word daily my memory is less and less fuzzy. I am starting to feel centered again.

Kyle had a passion for Christ and he attracted others with his warmth and kindness. His calling was a perfect fit as he was a big kid at heart. Kyle - I will miss you.

Count Down!

This is the count down, a few more months in Yuma and on to the next adventure. I said when I came I wold stay three years and I am not staying one day extra! I have met some incredible people here and have learned tons about teaching but I am ready to move to a city with more than 4 restaurants and 5 stores!

More to come later but right now I have to get up and unpack from the three weeks of being in the arctic otherwise known as Michigan and get ready to see Arcy, the massage therapist to beat all!