Proud Mama Bear

Since the beginning of February I have been working twice a week in a program to help students who are struggling in English. I go in to their English class during my conference period and do whatever the class is doing that day to help them keep up. It has been a challenge and very rewarding. I have met new students, worked with two new teachers and because I am paid for the time I have to make up my conference period. Because I also tutor after school on Mondays I go in at 6:50 and am there until 4 with just a 30 minute lunch break. Or so it seems.

One of the students I am working with is tremendously artistically talented. He is funny, hardworking when motivated and trying to turn his life around. When I first met him he asked me for a favor which led me to of course ask questions which of course got me involved in his life. Long story short he is a 12 year old who has been in a gang, has a tattoo, is getting the tattoo removed (that's where I came in) and is now out of the gang and focusing on school and art. My job is to help him get his English homework turned in and figure out how to get him to show up for homeroom. He missed 6 months of homeroom before he met me. Since meeting me he has made it twice. Baby steps. Baby steps.

Every day he does not come to homeroom he has lunch detention with me which is why my thirty minute break is not really a break but it gives us time to get his work done. This is his latest project and I couldn't be more proud, he entered the Google Doodle contest and was one of 6 entries picked from my school to go to the national competition. This is a giant leap in the right direction as he had to come up with the idea, draw it (there were many drafts), get a consent form signed (which asks where you were born, who knew it could be a complicated question??????) and get it all in by the due date.

He did it and I am so proud, I don't care if he wins, I know this is part of his path to where he needs to be. Like many others in his situation, he is a strong, smart, lovable child with never ending potential. Key word being child. I know what he has gone through in his short life and for him to create this drawing for the topic "What I Wish for the World" shows a lot about what is inside the hardened kids I and so many others see everyday.

http://picasaweb.google.com/charlie.unk/Google2009?feat=directlink#5317614612790904850

Solidarity leads to Chaos

In a show of solidarity yesterday the union rep at my school hung a giant pink ribbon on my door with a copy of the pink slip I received to let all the parents know I was being laid off. We were having a spring open house and it was a protest of sorts. It worked, lots of parents expressed sympathy and told me how much they appreciated what I had done for their children. It was a little awkward for me but it was a nice gesture.

That was it. I thought. Then I left. Without taking the giant pink ribbon and letter off the door.

As I walked to my room this morning I was greeted by panicked faces, scared students and a wall of 7th graders who physically tried to stop me from getting to my classroom. It took me a minute to figure out was going on. The ribbon and letter were still there and they thought I didn't know. They were trying to stop me from seeing it. The gesture itself almost brought me to my knees.

I quickly explained to them that I knew it was there, why it was there, what it meant to me and to them and it was even pointed out to me that the letter was 5 paragraphs (other teachers laugh here).

I spent the next 20 minutes trying to calm the hysteria, most of them aren't buying the party line though, they know what's happening as many of them have parents working in the district.

I have been hearing a lot lately that it is a bad time to be an educator with all the cuts but frankly I think it's a bad time to be a student, education itself is suffering and I am not sure I can continue to be a part of it. These kids deserve so much better than what we as an institution offer them. Since I found out that I would be laid off I have been doing some serious thinking about my future. Is my future in teaching? I have spent a lifetime preparing for it, it is all I have ever wanted to do. But now as I consider packing up my entire classroom again, moving it all to a new room and unpacking it. The organization alone is overwhelming. Not to mention learning a new school's procedures spoken and unspoken, meeting a whole new staff, being the new kid on the block even though I'm not new to teaching. It is enough to make me consider looking into some other kind of work.

And then I think I think of the faces this morning, the way my students wanted to protect me from the bad news. The way they reacted. And I think who could walk away from this.

I am having the best time right now. On Friday I assigned my class something I have never done, a skit. They have to come up with a story that has a moral or a lesson to go with the unit we have been doing. I have found myself coming up with out of the box projects for them to do as of late because they move so quickly through the curriculum.

As I write this they are rehearsing the skits they will perform tomorrow. I am excited to see them, they have definitely gotten into the spirit of the assignment, I have kids in costumes, lots of laughter, deep discussion and furtive rewriting. It is a serious day here in English class.

These are the days that I look forward too, laughing with my students, watching them learn with each other, problem solve together. They are learning without even knowing it.

And now there is a discussion of how a girl pretends to be a guy because we ran out of guys, I am needed.

A Mask

Anyone who has children or spends time around children will tell you that it is hard to lie to kids. Not the little things like I love your painting of a red blob that is supposed to be a fire engine or these are the best cookies I have ever had even though they taste like salt cubes. Those are easy because they come from a place of love and pride and genuineness that only a loving adult can give a child.

The hard lies are the ones that require a mask. A mask that is so hard it can't crack on the rainiest of days. I have had a lot of rainy days lately and I have been lying to my kids with the thickest mask I can manufacture. I know it is for their own good but it is killing me. Slowly.

I look at them everyday and I know they know something isn't right but because they are 12 they can't put their finger on it. They say good morning, see you tomorrow, how was your weekend all the usual stuff. But now I get things like, are you in a good mood?, are you happy today?, Are you having a good day?...

They know pink slips went out and they have asked, I was honest and told them that I got one but I assured them that they shouldn't worry because the money would come through. It was a lie, there is no money but they are too young to worry about my job. They are too smart not to. So here we are day in and day out, me in my mask, them trying to make me happy - thinking if they can do something well it will make the mask go away and Ms. Knapp will come back. I don't know if she will. I want her to for their sakes. They deserve better. But for now the mask will have to do, it is all I have.

Burroughs Scholars 2009

On Friday we had an assembly at school to recognize the students who had achieved academic success first semester. I wasn't particularly interested in going as it was putting my classes off schedule but after I got there and started seeing my students cross the stage I started to understand the reason for the assembly.

The first group to cross the stage was the 4.0 group, 18 of my students achieved this status. Then came the 3.5 and above group there were 29 o my students here. 47 of my students (out of 165) were recognized for academic excellence. This is not an easy task in a Magnet program.

Students received picture frames, certificates, In 'N' Out gift cards and lanyards as rewards for their hard work and achievement.

Needless to say it was a proud day for JB!