Memorial Day

Growing up Memorial Day was an important day in our family. We would get up early, go to the parade and listen to the speeches thanking falling soldiers and watching the wreaths float out into the water. Then the guns. I was always so scared of the gunfire. The noise.

My father served in the Air Force, his father in the Army. My mother's father in the Navy. When I was young my best friend's father was deployed during the first Gulf War. When I moved to Yuma I met many families who watched their loved ones go to the current Gulf War. But never have I experienced the true meaning of this holiday as I did this weekend.

Saturday Sarah and I drove to Camp Pendleton to spend some time with our friend Julie. I first met Julie in Yuma where her husband Wayne served in the Marine Corp. Currently Julie and Wayne have 2 children ages 5 and 3. Two beautiful, brilliant children. Saturday night we went the base family fun center bowled and ate pizza. We chatted a while and then went to bed. Sunday dawned early as the kids were up and raring to go! I jumped on the trampoline with the kids, watched cartoons and ate breakfast burritos. We chatted with the neighbor and had a great time.

I did not see Wayne this trip because he is in Afghanistan. He is serving his country while his family lives a seemingly normal life here in southern California. Of the 20 occupied houses on Julie's street 18 of them have husbands and fathers who are deployed. That is one street in one neighborhood on one military base.

This Memorial Day was special, I was able to see into the world that few get to see. I experienced the vacancy in a family. Julie and the kids are doing well, they are happy, busy and enjoying summer. But there is a vacancy in their house. One that will be happily filled this fall when Wayne returns to the United States.

Play Time!

Tomorrow I am again taking kids on a Saturday field trip. It is the third one. We have gone to the beach for team building, visited UCLA for a tour and now are going to Mulligans Family Fun Center. This one is strictly for fun, no learning, unless I learn how to drive a go kart!

The best thing about these field trips has been to see the kids out of the school realm. Seeing them learn without books, play and be kids. Tomorrow should prove yet another fun time as we embark on a day of laser tag, go karts, batting cages and junk food!

Out of the Fog

I have been gone a while. I wasn't out of town or doing anything exciting. I was in a fog. The problem with depression is that it is incredibly hard to see when you are in its midst. I was first diagnosed and medicated for depression in 2000. My medication had changed a couple times and I had talk therapy but for the most part things were better. Then, in March, I realized something. I had sunk back into that part of my life that is depression. Sarah went out of town for a week and I was on my own. I suddenly noticed that without someone else there I was sleeping all the time, not eating, not myself. Although it is difficult to admit there is a problem I called a guy and we talked for a few weeks, he changed my medication and voila! Just like that I am doing better, I am out of the fog. I feel more like myself, have more energy and am looking forward to things again.

So that's where I have been. I am back now and for anyone still reading this after all this time I am blogging again.

New Journey

I am embarking on a new journey as I round the corner to 30. This is a "if you don't do what the doctor says you might be be in real trouble" journey. As some of you may remember on May 17, 1997 I had knee surgery. At that time the doctors told me I would eventually need surgery again but at 17 I wasn't really thinking that far ahead and I didn't think it would be this soon.

After about three months of pain this winter I went to the doctor and after about ten seconds he said, it's worn out. Now, I am not paraphrasing. That is what he said. It's worn out. My knee cap that is, the knee itself is OK. So I have two options for surgery. They are both open and not arthroscopic which means a long recovery and lots of rehab.

I started physical therapy on Monday and came home looking like this (see picture above). Til this point the pain has been annoying and uncomfortable but when this tape was put on it became intolerable. It is supposed to hold the knee in the right place but so far it just hurts.

I was also told to take off the weight. I know this but it hasn't really sunk in yet. A few years ago I lost almost 50 lbs and have put most of it back on. The doctor said it would take pressure off the knee. He wants me on a treadmill or in a pool. Not an elliptical. Apparently I am too tall for it so I have to decide if I want to join a gym. This is yet another part of the journey I am not prepared for.

So begins my journey. I will find out more about the surgery in a couple weeks and decide if I will go through with it, right now it's a little scary to commit to. So I am committing to buying new tennis shoes at the request of the physical therapist and researching gyms.