Esther Chapter 5

Yeah it's been a while. You have most likely forgotten my "crisis of faith" post from spring break. I have not, I have thought about it a lot. I have tried to sit down and write the resolution I promised several times but it was much more difficult than I anticipated. So here goes:

Esther 5: 9 says (paraphrase) Haman was so filled with rage and anger at Mordecai that he could not enjoy anything. All of his joy, even being invited to dinner at the palace was taken just by seeing Mordecai sitting by the city gates. He knew there was no way he could enjoy the dinner and complained to his wife and friends. They gave him advice to build gallows 75 feet high and ask the king to have him hanged. Haman was so excited about this he had the gallows built immediately and got ready for his dinner happily.

During the church service I was at in Texas the pastor told us that 75 feet was high enough to literally decapitate a person - not just kill them, but mutilate them - very gruesome. The point being made is that Haman was unhappy until he was able to know there was a punishment for the person he was angry with.

This made an impact on me. I don't want to be vengeful, I don't want to be out for revenge and be unhappy until I see a person punished. That is when it all came together.

I truly believe that we are put in a place, for a specific reason and God put me in Chris Osborne's congregation for a week to learn how to forgive and to remember what being a child of God means. It comes with a responsibility. A responsibility to keep working on understanding God's will and his purpose for our lives. It's not easy but those of us who work toward that end know that it is a walk on which we will never be alone and one we will never regret.

It wasn't until Easter Sunday that I realized how far I had wandered from the unwaivering faith of years past. I am working on finding it again.

It is not all resolved but I feel better than I have in a long time about faith, religion and the way I ended my years in college ministry. It took 6 years but I got there.